Chatterblog

Speed of Life...

2008-06-01T22:15:00.002-05:00

One day you're journaling about your baby starting kindergarten and the next day it's June and she's finishing kindergarten, ready to party. Summertime is almost here and its time for kids to hit the beaches, go camping and forget all about school schedules.

Honestly, I don't where the time went this year. I know that life seems to be whipping along. My kids will be back to school in no time and I'll wonder where the summer went.

I am trying to keep up with the speed of life but it seems I'm often one step behind. The hours fly by, the kids grow another inch and I'm back in line at the grocery store wondering where the day went.

The place of contemplation and rest was paved over and now there is a toll booth on the highway demanding a price if I want to keep up with traffic. The toll for traveling this highway is quiet, peace, patience and calm. Keep up with the traffic, a minimum speed is enforced in North America. If you don't keep up you'll be ticketed with guilt and shame.

Acceleration includes kid's lunches, parent volunteers needed for field trips, fun day, fund raisers, parent council meetings, community meetings, work meetings, bank meetings, house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, sports events, soccer, baseball, swimming, ballet, volleyball, haircuts, doctor and dentist appointments.
Too slow! Put the pedal to the metal....there is still paperwork, budgets, hiring, firing, interviewing, email, editing, car maintenance, bill payments, credit card statements, play dates, dinner out, dinner in, coaching, vacuuming, cooking and cleaning.
Not out of gas yet? Plan the calendar for garbage days, library books, hot lunch day, milk calendar at school, play-school, and next week's events. And fit a work day in there somewhere.

Needless to say. This crazy highway goes on too fast for me. I feel like I'm driving too slow with not much gas left in the tank, wondering why everyone else seems to be driving along just fine.

I've decided to get off this fast track. Its tiring. Its hot. Its taxing. Trying to having it all is just not worth it. I've resigned from my job and will be leaving at the end of my contract at the end of July. I will take August to recooperate from the last few "laps around the track". I plan to spend September on my family and my friends. I'm gonna be a mom, a wife and a friend again. I plan to rest and wait.
I'm taking a time out. Time to slow down.
What's after this? Don't know. Don't care right now.
Come the fall....we'll take it from there....

Not Winter...Just a Set Back

2008-04-24T22:25:00.005-05:00

This is just a short note to all who live in Winnipeg. (myself included)

This snow is only temporary.

Spring will arrive.

This is not the on-set of another winter.

We do not live in Narnia, the white which has not come to power and spring is coming.

For all of those living in Winnipeg who feel like despairing in light of the recent onslaught of freezing rain, snow and ice...I have these words of encouragement.

Aslan is on the move.

Spring will come.

Do not despair.

There. I feel a lot better.

I hope you do too.

In School...Not in Attic

2008-03-07T14:28:00.006-06:00

Miss Isabella Dei Seales did have a first day of kindergarten. My lack of photos and posting about this momentous occasion in our lives does not indicate a lack of schooling or excitement about her education. For those of you who may have wondered if we decided to keep her hidden at home in the attic, that is not the case. It was a special day in our home but very different from that of her sister's first day of kindergarten.
Here is Isabella all dressed up in her chosen attire. Not really thrilled that we have decided to "abandon" her to the evils of kindergarten. It was a challenge to get her to smile.

Rebecca's first day was full of "See ya! Mom and Dad! I'm going to school!" And Bella had a tough time with the idea of being in a big school without Mommy or Daddy or the teachers that she knew from pre-school. It was a hard day for her.

Here we got her to force a smile but she was still telling us that she didn't really need kindergarten. She could just stay home with mommy, and that was good enough.

As she walked down the path to her bus stop she had her head hung down. Both mommy and daddy were there to encourage her.

Rebecca would be at school...yeah but in a different class.
The teacher is really nice...yeah but she'd not my pani (teacher from pre-school).
She met the principal, and he was nice...but the school is too big and what if I get lost?
She already knew 2 kids in the class...but not all the other kids.

Sometimes when you're scared, you're just scared and there is nothing anyone can say to make it better.She clung on to daddy's leg, saying "I don't want to go".

Her daddy cuddled her but she still didn't like this idea.

Bella found a safe place to wait for the bus.
The big moment arrived and she summoned the courage to step into a whole new world.

Still unsure, we waved good bye. Then ran down the street to our vehicle to follow the bus to school.At the end of the day, she stepped off the bus like a seasoned student. Her back pack was hanging from one hand, and she was full of stories about what had transpired at school.

Isabella has not looked back since. She is growing in every way possible. She has oodles of friends (some of them are even boys...ooooooooo!) and is quite the social butterfly. She loves la gymnase and les artes. She loves to report on the wrong-doing of two little "naughty" boys in her class. She is impatiently waiting spring break because AFTER spring break, the kindergarteners can go outside for recess with the big kids. A whole big world will open up again.

My baby girl is not a baby any longer. She is a force to be reckoned with. She is lovely. She is loud. And she is no longer afraid of school, boys, or voicing her opinion on everything. She is just what little girls are meant to be.

Cutie Little Bella

2008-02-26T20:06:00.003-06:00

This Sunday night in Winnipeg, we had a beautiful view of the first lunar eclipse in almost 3 years. Since it is a rare occasion, we allowed our girls to stay up and watch this spectacle.
They sat on our bed and looked out the window at this lovely sight.
I called Isabella to come out to the living room and look out the window. She yelled back from my bedroom, "I don't want to come right now! I'm in your bed watching the lunar olympics!"

Oympics, eclipse...whatever. Its all the same to her!

My Mother-in-Law

2008-02-19T10:36:00.007-06:00

My mother-in-law passed away this past Sunday afternoon. She was in her home which is what she wanted. She was tired of hospitals and machines, and she passed away free of all that nonsense.

She loved to read my blog and she would bug me to update all the time. "Hurry up! I'm bored!", she would say, "write something new!" Until she got too sick to read anymore.

Even as I write this, I think about how mad she would be for writing on my blog about her.

It makes me sad to think that she won't tell me off after reading this. She would say, "what are you doing writing about me on the INTERNET??? For the WHOLE world to see? Or just the FIVE people who read your blog!"

I'll miss her alot. She always called me the "wicked witch of the west" and took such great joy in telling me I much too wicked to be a "real" Christian.

She loved to verbally spar with me, and nothing would make her smile as much as when I would give back to her as good as she gave it. If I had a particularly cleverly devious reply, she would threaten to call my church and have me kicked out! I would tell she could take it a step farther and tell GOD on me, but then she'd have to pray. At this point, she'd give me the finger, and we'd both laugh.

I'll post a picture of her here because that would really piss her off! She'd love that.

I am really going to miss her. At first she was in life because she was my husband's mother, and then she became my friend. She always told me truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not. She always listened to me and thought about what I said. I really appreciated her open mind.

She loved my husband, my daughters and me like crazy. She was generous to a fault, and my kid's birthdays and Christmases can only be described as ridiculous. She was good at spoiling us.

She loved it when we visited her. She always said watching Isabella is funnier than any show they have on t.v. And when it came to Rebecca, she would shake her head or shrug her shoulders and say something like, "Rebecca! You are who you are! God help us all!" DJ was her philosophy partner and they loved to discuss anything that used grey matter. I was a source of amusement to her, whether intended or not. She loved to laugh with me or at me, it was equally pleasing to her. The common theme is that she enjoyed us all for who we are. She knew each of our hearts, our personalities, our strengths and our weaknesses. And she enjoyed us.

Its nice to be known. Its nice to be enjoyed. Its nice to be loved.

I'm going to miss her a whole lot. There will be a void in my life, and the life of my family not easily filled.

My Funny Valentine

2008-02-14T21:15:00.003-06:00

Today I was telling my husband about the funny sight I saw at the store.
There were two cashiers lined up JUST to wrap flowers.
Behind each of these flower ladies were long lines of men standing with a look of panic on their faces. The men were holding bundles of flowers looking distraught.
The panic, the horror of Valentine's Day if you don't get it right.
It looked like something out of a sitcom, so cliche and yet still funny.

I was telling my husband about these poor pathetic souls trying to make sure they didn't "mess up" Valentine's Day for their significant others.
I laughed as I re-iterated my stance on this particular holiday. "What's the point of being romantic just one day a year? You can show love everyday, not just one day a year!"
To which my darling husband replied, "You mean I had a choice????"

Isn't he charming?

A Word to the Wise Woman

2008-02-10T09:21:00.000-06:00

Low cut jeans and high cut panties don't mix!

Can I get an amen???

Sean Hogan is a Brat!

2008-02-09T10:33:00.001-06:00

It is clear that I have not updated my blog in a long time.
I have lots of reasons for that and some damn good excuses too.
Excuses are lame, and people who use them are lame.
Harsh! I know but whining irritates me, even when its coming from me.
So I won't go into detail.

The reasons I haven't blogged in a long time have culminated into a short leave of absence from work to deal with family health issues. Thus my leave of absense from work has eliminated my excuses for not blogging.
So here I am. Its been 6 monthes and lots has happened since my last update.
I don't know where to begin, much has happened.
While I think about where to start....too overwhelming at the moment...I will blog about my thoughts as I was waking early this morning.

Thought #1 - I wish Isabella would stop playing that recorder! My ear-balls are going bleaf!

Thought #2 - Why hasn't the man servant arrived with my wine and cheese yet?

Thought #3 - Why is it that God leads people to good places, and good people. People and places that we easily abandon. Why is it that when I pray and ask for answers, I get more than answers. I find peace, patience, wisdom and love. Why is that every word from Jesus brings us the acceptance we crave and make us feel loved? Why is Jesus so nice? Why would I look away from good, peace, wisdom to chase love from broken people? People who are as needy as I am. I want acceptance, validation and praise from people who are ill-equipt to meet my needs. As I am to meet their needs. Relationship is frought with disappointment, rejection and unfulfilled need. Why then, is this painful reality such a driving force of motivation for all of mankind? If we deny our need for human relationship, what is the alternative?
Lonliness? Bitterness? Synacism? Pride?
Perhaps relationships, the very cause of pain and hurt are the things that make us grow as people. Isn't it through pain that we experience compassion? Isn't it compassion that teaches us mercy? Isn't it judgment that bring humility and grace for others so we don't inflict the same judgements on others?
When our short-coming are exposed in relationships, produce moments that kill our pride, do they not?
Isn't it those moments that we expect disappointment and are met with love that break down our synical mindsets? Isn't it the heart-to-heart connection that we share with other humans, the very thing that melt away lonliness and let us laugh?
If God is good and can fill all my needs, why then did He create in me a need for relationship? How long will this season of hiding away and running from potential pain last? Is it almost at an end? Am I a grown-up yet? Do I know the source enough yet?

Thought #4 - I'm hungry. I should get up and have breakfast and feed my kids too.

Thought #5 - Sean Hogan is a brat. That is why he is such a great friend.

Time to Update

2007-10-11T15:20:00.000-05:00

September was a busy month. Getting a grip on the routine of work, school and kid's lessons has not been an easy task. I think September is crazy for most parents with kids in school.

It is time to update my blog again.

What better way to start than with pictures of the girls going back to school...

Rebecca showing off the new lunch box. Ooooooo! Aaaaaaaa!

Here she is all smiles because schooltime is FINALLY here! Is she going to miss her mommy while she's gone for a whole day? Ummm...that would be a NO!

(Suck it up Erica. She's moved on. She's just not that into you! )

Here is Becca posing for the camera. This is the "official" Gr. 1 First Day of School shot.

"C'mon Mom! Put the camera down and let's go! I don't want to miss the bus"
My responsible little Type-A personality does her have moments of goofing off. I managed to catch one on camera while we waited for the bus....

And with a smile and a wave, she's off for her first FULL day at school.

So far Rebecca is loving grade one, and not suffering from any sort of separation anxiety.

Her mother on the other hand, is seeing a therapist and making some real progess.

Pictures of My Trip Out West

2007-09-05T21:14:00.001-05:00

This is my happy face after days of just hanging out and having a good time! Here are several pictures of my trip in reverse order of how events actually unfolded.
Me at Cathedral Grove.
My cousin Danny who we all call Quackins but not because he's an odd duck. Its because when he was a baby, his cry sounded like a duck! But he's such a sweet little Quackins!

This is me with my cousin Laena who we all call Weiner because we are a cruel and heartless family. She is also a sweetheart.
Weiner hard at work!
This is my Auntie Lo-lo (not her real name) who drove into the city to meet me for coffee because she was leaving the next day to go back to her home in Hong Kong.
This is my cousin Lara who is expecting her first baby any day now, which I believe will be a girl but we shall see....time will tell.

More pictures of Lara who was stuck with not ONE but several nicknames from the family.

We affectionately refer to her as Wawa, Larbra, Lala or my brother affectionately called her Larva. He was a cruel and heartless boy.
Waiting for baby to arrive.
This is me and my grandma who I got to spend a few hours with all myself! This must have been the first time that has EVER happened, I've always had to share her with my many, many cousins. We went shopping together!

This is my bestest buddy Ness driving us to our beloved IKEA! She'll tell you she just went because she had to take me, but if you look closely at her face, you'll see the JOY! Oh, she loves it alright!

This is me bonding with the IKEA sign! I'm a little larger in this picture due to the swedish meatballs and gravy I enjoyed! I also had the Daim cake which was Daim GOOD!
This is my favorite picture from the whole trip! They put out balloons and a sign JUST FOR ME! It was all about ME!!! Yay! They like me! They REALLY like me!

This is me and my Ness, Vanessa, Nessa, Nesley Crunch, Juanita, or sometimes I just call her, "we're going to run HOW MANY kilometres?"

(I look at little apprehensive before the run but she took it easy on me, and we just did a short one, I don't think she even broke a sweat!)
This is Bob. He's my other dad. I call this photo "Bobing for Berries", he'd like that because its a dad joke which isn't at all funny. He helped me and Nessie pick berries.

Vanessa with the remainder of her berry crop!
Ness and Michelle (mom) were laughing at me making my own bed. Holiday, Schmoliday!
This is the delicious family breakfast we had before we went to Cathedral Grove.
This is my "extra" set of parents with their adorable babies. Their personalities actually come through quite well in this photo. Bear (the white puppy) looks sad because while the photo is being taken, people aren't walking, playing or otherwise paying attention to him. And really, shouldn't everything be about him? ha ha And Chile is unaware that there is a picture, or a camera or anything going on because...whatever! He's the most laid back dog ever, in fact, it is possible that he is a cat.
I like this photo. While on the West Coast, Do as the West Coasters Do! Tree hugging it is!

This is me having photos taken while we're setting up the photo op!
Looking like I'm not sure what's going on. Why do I have so many pictures like that?
This is me and a very large tree. I think having photos done beside large objects is a very good idea!
This is my Island Family at Cathedral Grove.
This is me and Ness, saying good bye at the airport.

This is one piece of my dad's side of the family. My Uncle Mel, or Uncle Moo generously took out all the loud mouth neices and nephew for supper. Gramma had fun too!
These are my cousins Jamie (who would like it if I mentioned her last name is HALL not Buhler) and Anne (Lara's twin).
This is me with my cousins who grew up next door. We were always together as kids, although we used to be WAY cuter! It was fun to be silly with them again. Those three are lots of fun!
One more photo of me and Lara before she takes the leap into motherhood!

Young Erica Rides Again

2007-08-26T09:10:00.000-05:00

Currently I am sitting at a computer in a cozy, quiet cabin near the water on Vancouver Island. The sun is shining, the foliage is giving off aromas of life and the birds are singing welcoming songs inviting me to come out and be apart of it all.
So why am I sitting beside a computer in a cabin?

While the welcoming beauty of the island offers a sweet escape to many, I am immune to its draw because reality inside this cozy home offers me a much sweeter preference.
The ferry wasn't a trip from the city to nature, it was a time travel machine that took me back sixteen years.
Inside this cabin, I'm 15 years old. I'm free of responsiblity, I'm silly and fun. I am not expected to take care of anyone or anything. My dramatic flare, humor and even audacity are encouraged and even enjoyed. I'm surrounded by people who love me and see only the good parts and refuse so see my dark side. (or at least they don't mention it if they do)
I am the free-spirited, careless, goofball than is convinced that maybe, just maybe I really am a fairy princess. Young Erica Rides Again!

I am at the home of the parents of my dearest girlfriend. We have had a mutual understanding since we were 13 that we are in fact, twin sisters that were separted at birth. (we had to be raised in separate families for the good of the kingdome of course, two heirs to the throne could not be in the same place, it wouldn't be safe!)

We shared a sense of humor that makes other people roll their eyes while we laughed ourselves to the nearest bathroom. We survived the pain of puberty, which wouldn't have been so hard if boys weren't such stupid, immature dummies that we didn't need anyway!
We shared our dreams of being doctors, curing cancer, writing novels, and traveling to our winter home in Brazil. We loved each other right out of a friendship and into a family.

All through our teen years, my best buddies parents were there to watch over us, listen to our woes (which were sooooo tragic), and mainly to feed us....again. I arrived at their home after an 11 year absence to balloons and a home-made sign welcoming me to the island. Michelle aka Mom #2, had made a brunch fit for royalty and Bob aka Dad, sat back with a huge grin and just listened. He was so happy to have "his girls" home again.

Those eleven years had never passed, that was just a few minutes, and nothing had changed. With family, the place you hold in their hearts never goes away, in your absence, it is simply reserved and awaits your return. I was reminded of many silly things I had said and done. Mom made sure I was fed, cared for and sent to bed because I was tired. For those who don't know me, being told to nap for me is the equivalent of telling a starving man to eat. It is a welcome notion. She's a good mom.

At supper time, they set my plate on the table, it contained a bowl of pickles and a can of tuna.
In my teen years, I would eat lunch at their house nearly every day...a tuna sandwich, half a jar of pickles, and a few slices of cheese. It was a running joke that when they got home from work, they could check if I'd been there that day by checking "the level" in the pickle jar. Bob says he had to work overtime just to feed my pickle habit. He's a good dad.

So here I sit at a computer in a cozy, quiet cabin. A short trip away from the city. A world away from the joy and sorrow of the responsibilities that await 31 year old Erica at home.

For a moment my mind tells me that I should feel guilty for enjoying this carefree moment away from my husband and kids. But here in this cabin, I am 15 years old and everyone knows 15 year olds are immune to guilt!
For the moment, I'll park all my responsibilities (not parallel park, that's too hard) in a dark, secluded corner of my brain, it can keep the algebra and ecology information company. I will live for the moment, and let others take care of me! Teenagers don't think about what is coming tomorrow so I won't either. Just for today, Young Erica Rides Again!

Parenting 101

2007-07-31T08:55:00.000-05:00

I think I figured out the 3 basic things that are required to limit the amount of damage we do to our kids while raising them.

I created this formula during the week that my kids were at the lake with their dad and I was working.
Did you ever notice how easy it is to master parenting while there are no kids around?
I have some friends who haven't started their families yet who have perfected the parenting process. It is a strange coincidence.

Anyway, in three easy steps I think I've devised a plan that will not make you a perfect parent but will keep the damage you inflict to a minimum.

Here they are...the three gifts you can give your children that will keep them trauma-free!

#1. Introduce them to a good, kind, gentle God.
#2. Register them in a good, kind and gentle school.
#3. Bring them to a good, kind and gentle dentist.

If you follow these three steps, you should be able to avoid most of life's most traumatizing events.
And if these steps should fail, see step #1 again. That usually works on most trauma.
Good luck!
I would love to say more but my time on offering parenting advice has come to an end, my kids are home and they are REAL!!!!

Living the Single Life...

2007-07-20T19:49:00.000-05:00

I had to work long hours this week so it was good that the kids weren't here being ignored by their mom.
Instead they spent the week having a great time with their dad at the lake while I was living the single life in the city.
I haven't had a space of time this long where I was on my own without the kids since...well, since I had the kids.

Its been an interesting week.
Its like being on a game show where I get to try out what my life would have been like if I has stayed single.
I worked, and then hung out with friends in the evenings. I didn't cook one meal or wash one dish.
It was quite an interesting experiment but now (after day 5) I miss my girls, and I'm ready for them to come home.

Mamma Mia

2007-07-14T19:28:00.000-05:00

Mamma Mia is playing in Winnipeg right now. I went with my sisters last Tuesday. It was so AWSOME!!! And very funny! If you care for ABBA's music at all, you'll LOVE it!!!!

Happy Birthday DJ

2007-07-13T22:33:00.000-05:00

The girls all dressed up for daddy!
We celebrated DJ's 33rd birthday last night at his favorite restaurant. Its a Japanese Teppanaki bar here in Winnipeg. We had lots of fun, and its a great show. It was the first time we'd taken the girls, they loved it.
(Everything in this post is being underlined, I have no idea how I did that or how to undo it!)

Chillaxin'

2007-06-29T11:18:00.001-05:00

We're off to the...

To jump off the...

And chill on the...

Ciao Bella!
(a photo I took on a run along the trail)

My New Hero

2007-06-27T17:19:00.001-05:00

Paul Potts is my new hero! I love this guy and you will too!

Bureaucracy Sucks!

2007-06-22T14:48:00.000-05:00

Bureaucracy is a big stupid waste of time, paper, energy and money. It gets in the way of good intentions in favor of the fear that something bad could happen.
It probably won't but just in case.
Oh, and let's not forget the fear that we might offend someone with slightly more status or power than us in the association or company we work for.
Fear is such a useless waste of energy.

It annoys me. Very much. Fear is like a big, ugly mosquito. Harassing, threatening but really can do little more than a tiny pinch.
But in the hands of bureaucratic policy makers that mosquito should be taken very seriously.

What if that mosquito should bite and you get West Nile Virus? Or malaria? We need to make a policy around such horrible risks. What if a child should be bitten on the eyeball and blinded for life? What if? What if? What if?

What horror! Let's write a policy that all children should be bathed in bug spray, draped in moquito netting and wrapped in bubble wrap to keep them all safe from the malaria-ridden, west-nile carrying, blood-thirsty, blinding mosquito pandemic that will overtake us all!!!
Quickly! Write a policy that will save us all!

Fear is stupid. Bureaucracy is stupid.
That's all I have to say about that.

More Cute Quotes...

2007-06-18T21:50:00.000-05:00

Rebecca saw a urinal in one of the outhouses in the Whiteshell...
"Mom, that's for boys to go pee. I know how boys go pee. They stand up. Mom, do you know how boys go pee?"
"How?"
"The can stand up because they got a little tongue down there."

Isabella groggily walked into my room first thing in the morning. Her first words were...
"Mommy, I had a rough night. I forgot to turn off my mind before I went to sleep and it was on ALL night!"

Rebecca explaining her plans for the future while walking home from the bus stop...
"Mommy, when I grow up I'm going to be just like you. I'm going to help teenagers be better people and work for the community. And guess what else? I'm going to have boobies too! Just like you."

Overheard while the girls were drawing at the table while I was making supper...
I: "Okay, now its my turn."
R: "Ready? Okay. Little girl, come see me, I have some candy for you."
I: "NO! You're a stranger. Leave me alone!"
R: "But I'm not a stranger, I know your dad."
I: "NO! You're a stanger! Leave me alone!"
R: "I'm not a stranger, I need some help to find my lost puppy. Can you help me?"
I: "NO! You're a stranger! Leave me alone!"
R: (in a lilting voice) "I have chocolate for you."
I: "NO! You're a stranger! Leave me alone!"
R: "Okay, that was good, you passed. Now its my turn. Try me again"

In addition to playing "Stranger" to test each other, they've also taken to playing "Kindergarten Registration" and "Restaurant" which has two versions, "Good Service Restaurant" and "Bad Service Restaurant." This little adaptation came from my mother-in-law. When they played restaurant at her house one day, she told them they have bad service. Apparently, that was quite a high compliment she handed out. Now they do it on purpose!

Happy Thoughts to You!

2007-06-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

HAPPY SATURDAY!

This picture makes me smile, I hope it has the same effect on you!

Windows

2007-06-12T18:01:00.000-05:00

The other night I was getting ready for bed. Before I put on my pajamas, I closed the blinds in my bedroom windows so as not to put on a show for any people who might be walking through the park. As I did this, I had a thought about windows...

Aside from exhibitionists who get a thrill out of exposing their nakedness to the world, most of us close the drapes while we are undressing/dressing. Especially at night, when a little light inside can create a big show outside. Most of do not want our naked selves on display. It is particularly unnerving to feel exposed to an anonymous audience. With open windows, anyone could be watching. It is the cliche nightmare of public humiliation being in front of your peers in your underpants.

This is a little bit like the blogging world. Each blog is a window into a person's life. However, it is not the open window at night peeping in on a unsuspecting soul. While it is on the internet and could be visited by anyone who cared to lurk, each blogger has a lot of control on their site.

If we stop and think for a moment about how much concern we give to how we dress ourselves. Each time go out into public, it is a bit of a show. We make a statement to the world through the image we portray ourselves through our clothes, our hair, our posture, our facial expression, our tone etc.
For example, there is one show for the job interview -put-together, organized, confident, calm, responsible- clothes, hair, shoes, jewellery all neatly arranged to make a statement. This is very different from the show on the way to the gym, the sweats, running shoes, hair tied back etc. Different purposes require different personas.

What we portray to the world is a combination of our purpose and our audience. Our purpose is the goal of each daily charade, what are we trying to achieve by putting ourselves out there? Our audience is a combination of how we want to be perceived, and who it is we wish to see the show! How is that we want others to see us?

I was thinking when I blog, I write for certain audiences and I edit my content according to how I wish to be perceived. I don't place very private, personal information on my blog because not everyone gets to know everything about me. This is good common sense. Boundaries are good and healthy. But how often do I limit vulnerability because it is the "ugly" stuff. Its easy to write about the positive things when all is going well. Its harder to write about life when its hard, and I'm at a loss for answers.

I write all this to ask a question of the other bloggers out there. How far apart is the real person from the blog persona that we all get to read. Tell me about your window!

Wonderful Weekend

2007-06-10T21:46:00.001-05:00

We just returned from a highly enjoyable weekend at the cottage. I am quite pink, and freckled and I have a bit of heat rash on my shoulders. It was hot and sunny, just the way I like it!
(I wore a 30 SPF sunblock for anyone who is about to call the skin cancer police on me!)

On Saturday my husband and girls and I spent most of the day on the water. We canoed to a deserted beach. Bella ran around in just her panties which she thought was thrilling as it seemed quite rebellious to her! She jumped off rocks, and swam in the waves.

Rebecca would not dream of such indecency. She did jump off the rocks into the water, but she kept her shirt, skirt and sun hat on properly the entire time. She also did not swim in her attire as it was not her swimsuit, and she was not about to get her pretty flower skirt dirty! Isabella took the opportunity to chase her down the beach with sand all over her, threatening to get her dirty. It was fun to watch them tease each other.

We picnicked on the beach. The girls hunted for treasure and had quite a haul. They brought back a sand pail containing baby clam shells, cray fish claws, snail shells and various shiny rocks. My husband and I had to look at each item, and I think we showed the appropriate level of excitement as the girls seemed to think they had found priceless heirlooms.

They hunted for bear paw prints on the beach. They found bear tracks multiple times which turned out to be their own footprints but for the sake of the thrill, we did not correct them.
It was a lovely adventure.

In addition to time on our own beach, they played with all their cabin friends up the road, and in our back yard. We took them on a 3km trail walk this afternoon, we went to the playstructure, ate ice-cream, and spent the rest of the day at the beach swimming and playing sailor in the rubber dingy.
Needless to say, they are exhausted. They are nicely tanned, bug-bitten, woodtick-free (we checked), freshly bathed and sleeping soundly. As we got them into their pj's tonight, Rebecca sighed and said, "Mommy, I have the perfect life."

I don't know about perfect but after a spring of endless rainy days, a couple of days of sunshine sure does bring a new sense of joy. The sun brings that exciting, tense, dangerous heat that we've missed all winter. I am ready to soak it in.
Mr. Sun. Sun. Mr. Golden Sun. Please Shine Down on Me!!

Spider-Girl

2007-06-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

We took Rebecca wall-climbing for the first time a little while ago.
At first she was quite tense and didn't like going too far up the wall...

After a few tries, she relaxed and starting smiling...

My brave little mountain climber!

Creepy Crawlies...

2007-06-01T20:18:00.000-05:00

We are in the thick of the nasty canker worm season in Winnipeg. For those who don't know what a canker worm is, they are nasty little critters. They multiply quickly, eat the leaves off the trees and then hang down and land on you.

It feels so gross to walk down the side walk and have little creepies landing all over you. Especially in my hair and on my back. YUCK!

The only bright side I can see is some of the odd comments my girls have made about this icky bit of nature trying to "catch a free ride on us".

Isabella: I wish those canker worms would stop getting married, then there wouldn't be so many baby canker worms around!

Rebecca: There are so many canker worms growing up fast. If they ever become kings and queens of the world, I will NEVER say, "Long Live the Canker Worms!". Never! I would just only say, "Short Live The Canker Worms!" That's what I would do!

Isabella: Do you think the ants in the front yard will eat the canker worms once they fall onto the grass? (I said I don't know, maybe they might) *she thinks for a moment* Hmmmm! I never would have thought that ants would be the ones who save the world from being taken over by canker worms. Hmmmm. You just never know.

Isabella: (to a neigbor lady) Guess what? My mom and my auntie tried to make me eat canker worms for lunch but I just wanted Subway!

(This comment is semi-true as Auntie C and I were teasing her, saying we're going to feed her canker worms for lunch, the joke was not meant to be passed on the neighbors!)

Volleyball

2007-05-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

Next week is already the start of beach volleyball season. I hope the weather warms up quickly. Its kind of chilly in Winnipeg this week. I was just thinking about volleyball and I remembered that I never did post a picture of my winter league volleyball team on my blog.

Oops. This is a photo of us right after we won the championship game on March 30th!

We are also the winners of the prize for the most children! Here we are with our off-spring!

And there is going to be one more added to our team next year! No! Not me! One of our power hitters is expecting so we'll be looking for a sub in the second half of the season!

My Interview

2007-05-28T22:23:00.001-05:00

I asked Rebecca to interview me, so I have answered the very insightful questions she asked me. I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed with my answers, I'm sort of one-dimensional tonight!

1.Tell me the reasons that you get up in the morning, besides your children....and when did you realize that you needed to take this simple step for yourself?

Truth be told, if I didn't have children I probably would sleep in as much as humanly possible. So besides my kids...hmmm...that's tough! I guess its the list of things that pop into my head that I need to get done on any given day. I know that I have the most energy in the morning. I get up and get productive until the wave of energy subsides and then I pray that I can have a nap!

2.Now that we all know that Wal-Mart and many other companies use slave labour..do you find that affects your shopping habits or not. If so, why, if not - why not...?

Yes and no, but mostly no. I shop for items at 10,000 Villages (which features fair trade stuff) because I like the stuff in the store. But at heart, I'm a bargain hunter so when I find a good deal, where it was made does not enter into the equation. I know it should but I've never done the research so I'm ignorant of which companies have fair trade and labor and which do not. And I don't generally shop at Wal-Mart because its too far from my house, Superstore is closer. Is Superstore bad? That's why I like 10,000 villages, I don't have to know anything, I can buy anything in the store and its all good. I can be ignorant and socially responsible at the same time.

3.If you could run away and join the circus...which one would it be, where and why?

I didn't know there was more than one circus. It wouldn't be the Shriner's cause I've heard some bad stuff about their behaviour in Winnipeg. It wouldn't be Cirque du Soliel because I can barely touch my toes, I would not qualify. I wouldn't join the carnies in a travelling show because they scare me. I guess I'd have to join Ring Ling Brothers or something generic that doesn't frighten me. (carnies - small hands, smell like cabbage) Where? I would hope they travel around and see interesting places. I don't know where the circus goes, but if there was one that went to Mexico in February I'd be all over that! Why? I probably wouldn't ever join a circus. I think the circus is weird, and I have no circus-like talent so I'd end up being the girl in the aisle yelling "Get your POP-Coooooorrrrnn! Heeeee-aaaaarrr!" Not my dream job! I know I'm boring.

4.If you could spend a day by yourself, no kids, no husband, no friends...what would you do, where would you go and why?

I would probably go to a spa. I get bored quickly so if I could spend a day going from treatment to treatment, and be pampered and just absorb being cared for, I would loooovve that. I would love it because I could rest and feel taken care of and not think about anyone else ALL day! Ooooooo! Such a naughty, selfish girl I am!

5. What is your saddest memory...tell me about it. Why it was sad and what effect it has had upon your life....

Oh there are so many to choose from, I don't know where to start. Just Kidding. That's an interesting questions because there are different kinds of sad. There is hurt-sad, angry-sad, dejected-sad, lonely-sad, disappointed-sad, grieving-sad, disillusioned-sad: so many forms of saddness. I can't pick one!

So now the chain continues on...

I am willing to interview you if you should care to join in the fun....come on, take the risk!

Here are the rules.....

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

That's The Way I Heard It!

2007-05-27T11:34:00.001-05:00

This post is not about gossip. Its about the way children hear things just a little differently.

The other morning, I was trying to wake up while Isabella sat their happily chattering away to me. Before I'd even opened my eyes, she asked, "Mom, do you want me to read to you?"
I said yes as I thought I could keep my eyes closed for a precious few more minutes. She came back with her kiddie Bible and started with the story of Adam and Eve. By the time she got to Jesus, I had opened my eyes and I was listening to her. She was adorable, reading the stories as she remembered them told to her.

When she got to the story about Jesus and Zaccheus, I asked her if she knew a song about that story. If there is anything I love more than listening to her read, its listening to her sing.
She excitedly told me that she did know a song, and would I like to hear it. Indeed I did.

She sang a song that many people have heard in Sunday School with one minor change...

Zaccheus was a wee little man

And a wee little man was he

He climbed in a sycamore tree

For the Lord he wanted to see

And as the Saviour passed that way

He looked up in the tree

And He said, "Zaccheus! You CALM down!

For I'm going to your house today."

For those who are not familiar with this little ditty, the words are "you come down" but I think I like her version better!

My Big FAT Manifesto

2007-05-25T21:04:00.000-05:00

Its time for me to tell the truth. I know it is more P.C. to say that a healthy attitude and self-esteem will allow a person to love themselves no matter what, and that its what's inside that counts.
I've said it myself.
I have taught this to my daughters and will continue to do so.
This is not how I really, truly feel deep down. The truth, the real truth is that I don't want to be fat. I don't want to look down in the shower and peek at my toes over the bulging roll that used to be my flat stomach. I don't want to catch a glimpse of cottage cheese when I pull my jeans over my outer thighs. I don't want to be fat.

There I said it. Now where do I go from here?
I know in my head that I am an average size although by Hollywood standards, I am obese. Since I don't live in Hollywood, who cares?
I care.
I see the magazines, the ads and commercials. I want to wear that cute little sundress or the white capris with the tight shirt that comes to the waist with a BELT!!! But wearing those things do not make me comfortable, I am more comfortable hiding under my big sweaters and jeans that pull in my gut and slim down my butt. When I hide, I feel safe. If nobody knows about the cellulite, or the rolls, I am still acceptable, "maybe I am slim, maybe not, you don't get to know!". That's just it...hiding is where I am comfortable.

Here is where the dilemma lays! Running, biking and swimming is not comfortable. Finding time to get in a decent workout at the end of the day when I'm tired is not comfortable.
Food is comfortable. Ice cream is comforting. Warm toast with honey is comforting. Ketchup chips washed down with sugary iced-tea is comforting.

I want what I want without any consequences. I want to eat junk food that gives me a sense of being full and not gain any weight. I want to fit in my jeans, have a tight, tiny butt and flat stomach and eat s'mores three at a time.

I know what you're thinking, "You and the rest of the world. Boo Hoo! Get over yourself Erica!"
Right?
Of course that's right, metabolism is a natural law, there is no way around it.
You eat too much, its gotta go somewhere. You live a sedentary lifestyle, your body doesn't burn fat, your capacity for cardio goes down and so on it goes. There is only one way to have the healthy, slim body that I want and that is to be responsible for my choices.

I know that is true. I even know how to do it. I have the tools. I know which foods are healthy and which are not. I am not ignorant of this information. I know how to run, bike and swim. I even know how to stretch properly (although I rarely use this information).
So where is the problem?
Those who can...do. Right?
Wrong.
There are two major issues that interfere with what I know how to do.

Issue #1
I live too often by my emotions.
When I feel good, confident and empowered, I run, bike or swim. In return for my good deeds, I get an adrenaline rush and feel even better.

Good feeling=Good choice=Good reward.

The flip side is that when I feel bad, I spiral downward into the bad place.
You know that place? That deep, dark void where you are NOT good enough, or smart enough and you're convinced that people DON'T like you.

This is the place where hiding under a blanket, vegging out in front of the t.v. and eating your weight in cheese seems like a perfectly rational thing to do.

Bad feeling = Bad Choice = Guilt, Shame and more Bad Feelings = Bad Choice =

This is the part where I start lying to myself. I'll run tomorrow. I'll only drink water tomorrow, and maybe some grapes. Yes, water and three grapes will make up for this little indiscretion. When I know perfectly well, tomorrow I'll feel so guilty about this little charade tomorrow that I'll probably add bacon to my burger and super-size the fries tomorrow. I lie to myself, "Oh what's the point? I don't care anyway." That's not true. I will care tomorrow. Somewhere, deep down I actually care right then, even in the bad place.

When I am feeling okay, making good decisions is easy. Its the tired, stressed or angry Erica that binges and hides under the blankets. She is the one who should get fat, not ME!!

It seems to me that the solution here is not a better diet, or better education about food. Its not joining a gym or putting my kids in daycare so I'll have time to work out. If I had the time but I was in a bad place, I'd just make bad decisions about how I spent that time anyway.

It seems that the solution is in how I deal with negative emotions, what I do when I am not in "my happy place". Food should not be my joy and comfort. All I can do is bring those empty places to God and ask Him (again) to fill me up. Fill up my longing, my hurt, my lonliness, my disappointment, my anger, my need with something. I don't know what it is that I need...love? wisdom? perspective? grace?
Whatever it is, He's got that feeling, that joy and calm so I don't feel the need to stuff my cakehole looking for a moment of joy.

Issue #2
I've always had a very forgiving metabolism. Yes, this can be a problem.
(this is the part where people who've always struggled with weight issues want to scratch my eyeballs out --fair enough--feel free to send hate mail, if it makes you feel better)

I'm like a rich heroine addict. Someone who can afford a fix, still have a nice house, servants to do my work so my addiction is not interfering with my life. Its still unhealthy but I can keep it a secret and no one is the wiser. Compared with the drug addict on the street who could never afford a fix in the first place, this addiction has taken away their life, their home, family, everything. Life for the poor heroine has become a living nightmare. But they are both addicted and engaging in exactly the same behaviour.

I'm addicted to food. I'm addicted to a good binge, and the feeling I get from feeling full. I think about food, how much I'll eat, what I will not eat, what I plan to eat later. Since I'm not hugely overweight, I can get away with it and keep my little secret. Not eat too much in public and binge in private. As long as I'm not obese, who needs to know?

This is an issue because I have unhealthy behaviour patterns that have not given strict consequences before. However, since turning 30, some consequences for my actions have begun to show up. I now need to learn to deal with natural law like other mortals.
It is also an issue because its easier for not-so-chubby people to cover up bad eating habits just as the rich can hide their drug habits, so people don't confront them about it or hold them accountable.
Accountable for what? What's so bad about size 8 jeans? Nothing, lots of people would love to be a size 8. But what have I done to get here? And where would I be if my gracious metabolism was taken away? Would I feel that I deserved to care for a body that was fatter than it was?
Undoubtedly, I know I would flog myself (emotionally) to bits even worse than I do now if I were to get any bigger.

I want to find the place where I eat right, and exercise because its the right thing to do for my body. I want to do it because my body is a temple that I love, and I want to honor it and know that it is worthy, and deserves to be cared for. That is not how I feel about myself or my body right now. Here is the truth of my current motivation for exercise:
I am motivated by the fear of being fat and unlovable. This motivation is the friend that spurs me on to run and the enemy that whispers ugly lies in my ears when I can't sleep at night.

I don't know what brought on this manifesto but the truth as I know it, has been spoken.
I don't want to be fat. I don't want to live in fear of being fat. I don't want food to be my lover. I want to enjoy who I am. I want to think I deserve healthy choices when I'm good and when I'm not. I want to be free. I want to be healthy. I don't want to be fat.

Tearful Election

2007-05-21T08:16:00.000-05:00

We have an election happening in Manitoba tomorrow. I was reading the outline of each of the parties issues and promises to keep myself apprised of the situation.
As I was reading the paper, my little Rebecca came and asked what I was reading.
I explained about the election, and she had lots of questions.
(Basically, that they all makes various promises and then we pick the one we believe the most or the promises we like the best.)

I thought that would be the end of conversation, but she was fascinated. She asked me to read information to her. She sat there and listened to the issues/promises from each of the parties.

She thought for a few seconds and decided that she was Progressive Conservative because "they are nice to want to help the people who are new in Canada."

With that, she was ready to go vote. I had to explain that she couldn't vote because she was only six and voters must be eighteen. She BURST into tears and wailed that it was not fair.

I hope she will continue doing her research when she actually is eighteen and able to vote. I will have to find ways to keep her interested in the meantime.

Camera Tricks...

2007-05-18T14:29:00.001-05:00

DJ set the camera on a setting that takes a bunch of pictures really quickly so the action doesn't blur the image. We took pictures of Rebecca batting at her baseball game last night. The pictures are really neat, you can clearly see the ball in mid air as it approaches.
PLUS...isn't she so cute in her jersey? The pants are way too big for her skinny little butt!
ha ha I just think she is so cute, the way she concentrates sooooo hard. She is really enjoying baseball because its a new challenge. She is a fun kid to raise!

Back to the Drawing Board...

2007-05-17T17:34:00.000-05:00

I've been away from my regularly scheduled life since Tuesday morning.
There is a three day training on managing volunteers (but also applies to staff) that
I was attending.
The content was on how to motivate, direct, recruit, train, encourage, evaluate, manage, supervise, and failing that...fire...people!

It was alot of information in a little space of time so my brain is pooped out!
I've learned what I'm doing well in my job and where I could improve.

Many of my friends came to mind as we discussed the different topics. I would think "oh this friend is good at that" or "that person would really like to hear about this topic".
Some examples:
The best workshop faciliators have high energy and humor- Rebecca came to mind.
Good teachers can relate the material to their own personal stories- Yvonne does that well.
Setting the tone of a meeting can be done by preparing the environment with attention to detail, like snacks and decorations -Lynne always does a good job of this.
Trainers need to read the room, get a sense of the audience, and train according to the ability of the workshop attendees - my mom is a marvel at this skill.
I know Vanessa does a great job of managing people and encouraging them so her co-workers always appreciate her!
My sister Cheryl was on my mind a lot as she is quite amazing in all the areas we studied. She can motivate anyone to do anything! She is always professional, and innovative in her approach. Many of the skills come so naturally to her that she thinks they are common sense, but they are not. She's just really amazing at what she does.

I know many amazing women and I'm not sure how often any of them hear how impressive they truly are...so you read it here first...these are some incredible women!

An Engagement!

2007-05-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

My little brother is getting MARRIED!!! Can you believe it???

He got himself a diamond ring and asked the girl of his dreams to be his wife.

She said YES!!!

He gets a wife, DJ and I get a new sister-in-law and my kid's get a new auntie...what a deal!

Page is a wonderful young lady, and we will be thrilled to welcome her into our family!
She is funny, kind, generous, sensible yet silly and fun, hardworking and gentle. My girls are thrilled that she will be their auntie! Good choice Floyd! YAY!

Hooray for romance! Hooray for weddings! Hooray for family!

Signs of Life

2007-05-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

The perennials in my front flower beds have awakened after a long winter's nap.

The view from our deck is a beautiful blend of green and yellows all tangled up in the struggle towards the sun.

The (crabapple?) tree in our back yard is in full blossom. Every time the sun comes out it releases a fragrance that is completely arresting. Sitting on our back deck has become a spiritual experience. Waiting for the sun to return for the next breath of fragrance to blow my way.

As Rebecca says, "it is delicious!"

Move Over Babe Ruth! Its Rebecca the Babe!

2007-05-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night was Rebecca's first baseball game. She was very happy, and proud to be playing her first sport. Here she is picking out her bat.

The silver bat is prettier than the black one. Look at her smile. She is so happy, and she loves posing for the camera.

When it was time to bat, the parents were allowed to help their kids. She had her daddy there to show her how to hold and swing the bat. This is good because mommy is NOT good at baseball.

Look at her! Ready to do it all by herself! My baby girl looks so little

out there on her own. I can't believe she's doing this big kid stuff already!
I'm so proud of her.

She did it! She hit the ball and ran

like the wind, all the way to

first base. She stood on first base and then figured out how to play the game from there.

She is really fast so the running won't be an issue.

And just when you think it can't get any cuter than this, just wait.

This week she gets her baseball jersey. You better believe there will more pictures of my princess in her baseball uniform.

Indian Giver

2007-05-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

This article was published on-line by the Winnipeg Free Press this past Monday, May 7th.
I think it would be very cathartic for anyone who has ever uttered, heard or been denigrated by the slur, "Indian Giver!".

Indian giver? We gave until there were only empty promises left
Mon May 7 2007
Colleen Simard

INDIAN giver: I first heard those words around Grade 4. They got tossed around the schoolyard as recklessly as the battered yellow tetherballs kids lined up to take swings at.
Kids can be mean. The white boys hurled it, pony-tailed girls sang it, and even a few of the aboriginal kids shouted "Indian giver" at each other once in a while. The words stung, but I didn't know why.
Not that it mattered. It had more to do with the tone and the surly curl of the lips when the words were doled out. The underlying message was clear: You're poor, you've got shabby clothes and your DNA makes you inferior.
Indian giver. Great.
What did we ever give that was so bad?
My best friend -- a girl from Berens River -- explained the slur was supposed to be used for someone who gave you a gift, then turned around and took it back. We both agreed Indian giving was a bad thing to do, but then a silent shame hung in the air.
Did our people really do something like that?
We move on. Most people stop the name-calling, and don't pass it on to their kids. Bitter words get forgotten. But the term Indian giver came back to me in an unlikely place.
It was when I was at a Sundance in Saskatchewan last summer. I don't know much about sun dances, but the invitation was too good to turn down. It was on the last day of the dance, when the giveaway was held.
A family came into the inner circle of the lodge. Some young guys brought a folded tarp in. When it was opened up and spread out there was a mound of bright blankets, pillows, towels, small appliances, tea towels, kitchen utensils, and even toys for the kids.
The announcer introduced the family to the people. I realized this family had worked hard all year to buy or make these gifts. They asked for nothing in return, except the good blessings of the community.
Family after family came into the lodge after that, each with gifts for everyone. Some wanted to honour deceased family members, and some wanted to celebrate a child getting their Indian name. I'd never seen such generosity. At the end of the day, my car was stuffed with gifts to take home.
The giveaway is undeniable proof that generosity is one of our traditions. Yes, we often defended our territory in times of war, and even engaged in unnecessary wars like any other people. But as individuals we were always taught to put the needs of our community above our own.
According to the old ways, an Indian is wealthy when he can give to his community. That's the true definition of what an Indian giver should be.
We weren't perfect, no one is, but giving was part of our culture.
Many of our ancestors welcomed newcomers to what used to be called Turtle Island. We offered to share the land with them.
Our scouts gave when they guided "great explorers" down our waterways and trade routes. Maybe they shouldn't have because these explorers were charting the country to claim it for their homeland. We even hunted for many of the early traders so they could survive the harsh winters. Read a Hudson's Bay diary from the provincial archives if you don't believe me.
Indian giver.
We were forced to give up our children, our languages, our livelihood, our ceremonies, our connection to the land. We were forced to conform to survive. Resilient people, we gave up almost everything that made us who we are.
And it was all in the name of "progress" and assimilation and justified by ordinary people thinking they knew what was good for us. We gave until there were only empty promises left -- unfulfilled even today.
I know who the real Indian giver is. Do you?

The DaVinci Code

2007-05-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

I'm aware that this post is a little behind the times as all the hype and controversy over the Davinci Code has already come and gone.
However, I hadn't had the chance to read the book or watch the movie until last weekend. So my husband and I rented it on Saturday night as it was rainy and we had no where exciting to go.

I can see why the church was in such a fluff about the movie. (besides the fact that churches often like a good "fluffing" for no good reason)
I understand that the premise of Jesus being married and having children being blaspheme and sacrilege etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda
Clearly, nobody in the church is going to like that idea.
This did not offend me.
I thought, "well that's an interesting idea, highly improbable since the word of God says nothing at all about it, but the author took the time to think about the world-wide reprecussions of such a "discovery" and that was creative of him."

But I was not offended by this. I just shrugged it off as total nonsense.
This is not to say that the movie did not offend me. It did. I was offended for different reasons than the outrage offered up by the church on behalf of Christians.

This is what offended me...

The idea of the church being the source of violence, war and oppression on the earth is a disturbing claim. The notion that ending the power of the church (by disproving Christ's divinity) would end all war, violence and oppression on the earth is disturbing to me.
It is a subtle sort of hate-mongering aimed at Christians. To me it is reminiscent of propoganda against one particular race or religion, and that never ends well.

This is very dangerous in light of an "emergent church generation" that is frustrated with the structure of the church as an organization. Its too easy to hop on board the church-bashing wagon these days. I'll openly admit that I have my beef with the church at large, but to say that they are the source of of violence, war and oppression is both unfair, and untrue.

This is untrue because there are many civilizations and cultures in the world that experienced war, slavery, violence and oppression before, during and after the introduction of Christianity.
I do not believe that the world without the church would have been an utopian holiday.

This is unfair because we live in a culture with a growing social pressure towards tolerance for all races, ethnicity and religions except Christianity. This philosophy seems reasonable to many people who work in the humanities because "Christianity had its turn being the majority and look at the damage it did." (Again, not arguing that the church has done no damage to our culture in its hay day)
My point is that this age of tolerance can not exempt Christians from having a voice. Simply because past church practises have left much to be desired, this does not mean that all Christian principles should be dismissed as antiquated or irrelevant.
In fact, if such a film had been produced about any other religions, there would have been riots in the streets and the film would have been widely disreputed as hate-mongering. But since the target was the Christian (mostly Catholic) church, its fair game.

The other thing that I thought was interesting was that the author claimed that the key to disempowering the church was in it's separation from the divinity of Christ. Ie) Without Jesus being God-Incarnate, Christianity would have no basis as a faith and the power of the organized church would dissolve.

Wouldn't it be nice if that were true?
Sadly, the power of the various world-wide Christian denominations would not fall to pieces by being separated from Christ. This is the difference between Christianity-the relationship with Jesus and Christianity (whatever the denomination) -the Church Culture Club.

This is sort of the point of the emergent churches. When is the church "an organic being formed in worship with a connection to God" and when is it a social club with membership fees and a political agenda?

I thought the movie was thought provoking (obviously) but I did find it disturbing. The fact that blatant hate-mongering against any religion went unchallenged in our super-tolerant society upset me. And that is my two cents about that!

My Little Timbit

2007-05-03T17:49:00.000-05:00

Isabella has just begun soccer in the Tim Horton's sponsored Timbit league. It is so fun to watch her and her little friends play soccer with their coach telling them which way to run.

I took tons of pictures and I think they are all adorable...
Grrrr...here is my tough little soccer player!

Here she is ready for action!

And of course, playing with her little buddy from pre-school is a highlight.

An action shot of her running....

The coach gives them last minute instructions like "how soccer is played" and "which way to run" and "this is a soccer ball."

Its too cute because most of them have never played before, they had one practise and then straight to the game. Many (like Bella) aren't really sure what they're doing yet but it sure is fun to run lots!

After the final instructions, 8 four year olds converge on the ball and run until its snack time!
She loved every minute of it and can't wait to play again!
Go #8! You rule!!!
(I plan to be the loudest and most annoying fan on the field!!!)

New Information

2007-05-01T11:03:00.000-05:00

I had posted about our van being broken into, and that they thieves also stole our antenna.
Well, that is sort of what happened.

Apparently, the theives unscrew the antenna and actually use it to open the lock.
The antenna can fit in between the door and the window and its strong enough to push down the
unlock button on the vehicle.

Not only did they steal our antenna, it was the weapon used against my van to get in.
Those evil, little geniuses!

The ironic bit is that we got a letter from MPI, three days after the break-in. The let us know that Windstars are being broken into so we can get a free immobilizer.

Quotes from My Girls

2007-04-28T22:21:00.000-05:00

Its been awhile since I've posted about some of the funny, silly or profound things that my daughters say, so here I go again:

Isabella after a playdate with her little buddy Sophia: "Mom! We had so much fun! We even got to play Secret Asian!!" (she meant secret agent)

Rebecca had not been eating her snack at school so I told her that I would not pack one if she didn't start eating it. She didn't. I didn't.
Here is what the drama queen said to our neighbor after getting off the bus at the end of the school day: "My mom didn't pack a snack for me today! I didn't have anything to eat! NOT EVEN ONE LITTLE CRUMB!!!"
(I can imagine the neighbors will not be nominating me for mother of the year now!)

Rebecca was talking to herself, then talking to me, then just talking in general. I asked her if she planned to stop talking in the next little while, and she said "NOPE!" So I asked her if she she planned to keep on talking forever and she replied, "That's my plan!"
(somehow I believe her)

Isabella's been going through a phase where she picks up a word or a phrase and repeats it over and over to try it out. Its hard to communicate in writing how cute it is but I will try.

Annoying: "Oh my I'm so annoyed by this!" "I can't believe that is truly annoying"
Such a Pity: "Oh dear its such a pity I don't have school today!" "I can't find my socks, its such a pity!" "My bike HEL-MENT fell down and its such a pity!"
Extrordinary: "I tried my cereal and it was simply extrordinary!" "My dress is extrordinary" "I'm soooo hungry mom, its extrordinary!"
Trowel: "Oh dear! I must weed my garden with my trowel." "Its time to trowel out the grass" " I need my garden gloves so I can use my trowel."
I was born for it: In answer to anyone who asks if she is ready...."I was born ready!"
While riding her bike..."I was born to ride!" Answer to anyone who asks if she is going to kindergarten next year..."I was born to go to kindergarten!"
I'm so embarassed: "I'm so embarassed of my shirt...Mom! What does embarassed mean?"
"I'm embarassed of my lunch" "I'm embarassed of my daddy's supper."
(Still not sure what she thinks this word means but she says it alot!)

Rebecca came home from kindergarten and told me about some of the drama at the school. Aparently a little boy and a little girl were "going out" in KINDERGARTEN!!! (Can you believe it?) She didn't know what this means, but she thought it was cool to say and then she said, "its over now though because they broke apart!" Thankfully, she'd never heard the term "going out" or "broke up" and she remembered the broke part. (Not trying to be a prude but it comes naturally to me and they're in freakin' kindergarten...where are they learning this crap?)

DJ told Isabella it was time to put on her pjs and brush her teeth before bed. She turned on her heel, saluted and shouted, "Sir! Right away! Sir!" I burst out laughing, and without batting an eye DJ said, "That's right private! On the double." And happy as could be, she ran off to get ready for bed. Now I know how he runs the house when mommy's not at home!

When my back was out, Rebecca sat with me in my bed and read me a book. She was thoughtful for a moment, then let me know what my diagnosis. "Mom! I think your back is hurt because you haven't been exercising enough." I told her that the doctor had said I was exercising too much and that why it was sore, and she replied, "Ahhh yes! That's what the problem, you've been exercising too much!" She changed her story so quickly and declared both with such certainty, I think she'll either be a lawyer or a politician! My little waffler!

And now some quotes from Rebecca the Profound....

I overheard Rebecca reading Isabella the creation story from their little picture bible. After the part about Adam and Eve eating the apple and having to leave the garden, she continued,
"See how smart God is Isabella? He gave Adam and Eve the perfect discipline. He didn't kill them for eating the fruit, instead He gave them a second chance, but He was still teaching them that they had to listen to Him. When its teaching and a second chance at the same time, that is good discipline!"

Isabella sat there nodding her head while I was around the corner thinking "What the...?? Where does she get this stuff? I've never even thought of that before!! That's crazy!"

and finally....
Rebecca has had a run in with a bit of a bully this year on the bus ride home. There is a girl in grade one who "befriended" Rebecca for a price. She tries to get Becca to bring her things or do things which Rebecca (thankfully) has resisted.
Things got particularly difficult when Becca didn't invite the girl to her birthday party, but Becca handled herself very well. About a week after her runs-in with the grade one girl, I was tucking Rebecca in when she said,
"Mom, do you know what I think about Kaitlyn? I think I know why she is mean to the other kids. Every day when she gets off at her stop, Kaitlyn's mommy is there and she doesn't smile at Kaitlyn, or giver her a hug or a cuddle or anything. Maybe Kaitlyn needs her mommy to hug her and love her so she won't be sad, and then she won't be mean to the kids."

Wow! Such wisdom. Maybe we should try letting the United Nations be run by 6 year olds for awhile and see how the world changes...

Its All Good

2007-04-27T07:09:00.000-05:00

Did you ever wake up with a funny feeling that something really AMAZING is about to happen?
I know I'm an optomist but there are times when an impending sense of JOY overwhelms me.
I just know that things are about to arrange themselves in such a way that it would appear that God is giving me a wink and a nod. This morning I woke up at 5:30am with just such a feeling.

This is odd today as my week was not particulary joyful or full of promise. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
Besides the theft of last week, our van broke down in the busy of intersection whilst I was taking my mother-in-law home from the hospital. She was just released for an attack of asthma so her breathing was borderline normal...she could not help me push a van out of the way, and I couldn't do it by myself. So we sat there for half an hour being berated by passersby, honking, yelling, giving the finger because we were so stupid as to stop at an intersection. One big truck with two big burly guys in pulled up close enough to yell that we should move the van forward.
If I could have, I would have. Not an option. No one stopped to help us, just yell and scream and honk. It was quite humiliating. I had to wait for DJ to come and rescue us as the tow truck took an hour and a half to come. Very stressful and exhausting. It was the alternator and it cost $540 to fix.

We got my mother-in-law safely home, thank goodness and she didn't have a heartattack from our stressful situation. Quite a relief on my part. If I had to roll her out in the street to give her CPR, can you imagine how much more people might have honked and yelled! "Pull her on to the sidewalk! I'm trying to get by!"
AN ASIDE: Guess who was the worst for being rude with the honking and gesturing? It was senior citizens! They were absolutely rude, obtrusive and relentless. This really offends me as in my line of work, they often complain about youth being rude and having no manners. But I digress...

The next day, I got a call from Rebecca's school that she had fallen at recess time but she was okay. She had gone back to class and all was well. She really is okay but her face is kinda banged up, and I will post a picture later to show what she looks like today.

My point is that my week was full of unwelcome events but this morning that seems to be the past and I feel as though something in the heavens has shifted. I'm very happy in the middle of my chaotic, messy life. There is a break through coming and I'm going to celebrate knowing that it is coming. I know I sound like a flaky church freak but when the Joy gets you, it just gets you.
Enjoy the day! There is good out there that might just chase you down, whether you have faith to believe in it or not.

Quote of the Day:

"Don't ever argue with an idiot. People watching might not be able to
tell the difference."

Break In

2007-04-21T18:47:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately our van was broken-in to. (that expression results in bad grammar!)
We had theives jimmy the passenger side of our van and steal whatever they could grab.
Fortunately, we had very little of value in the van.
They stole our flash light from the glove compartment, and took the girls library book bags
from the hatch. No one was hurt so all is well.

We went to the library to explain that their books were stolen and filed a police report.
The library said they put the books on a hiatus for six months in case they are turned into
a library or we recover them somehow. At the end of the six months, if we do not return them we will have to pay for the books. The books cost four hundred dollars!!!

Please pray that some kind soul finds the books wherever they were stashed (I'm assuming car thieves are not interested in children's literature) and returns them to the library.
I'm really praying that God could help us out on this one because we can't afford to fork out $400 for no good reason.
Please pray with us that the books would be found one way or another.

Oh, the theived also stole our antenna!!! Can you believe it! Now we have crappy radio reception to remind us of this event. ( I didn't even know you could steal antennas!)

Emotional Well-Being

2007-04-18T10:09:00.000-05:00

My mother taught me the importance of knowing yourself, knowing and understanding your feelings. From a young age, she taught her children how to recognize our emotions, and to express them so we could deal with them and have a healthy emotional well-being.

In turn, I have passed this gift on to my children. I want to tell me how they feel, to know how to deal with emotions and understand why they feel the way they feel and how to move on from there. To achieve this goal, I've spent time with them on how to communicate and the importance of letting people know what they are thinking and feeling.

GOOD LORD they talk alot! Sometimes I with they would just shut up for two minutes togeteher!!!! What have I done? Do I sound like that? Who cares if your feelings got hurt because your sister didn't say you're hair looks pretty today? Get over it! Shiza!

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. The girls are brilliant, compassionate, super-sensitive and articulate- I'm quite happy about that - but I think its time to learn a new skill...

NOT saying everything you think and feel OUT LOUD is the skill of the week.
Let's take all our thoughts and feelings for just ONE day and NOT say them.
That way mommy will be sane tomorrow! What a great life lesson!

Churl's Birthday

2007-04-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY IS MY BIG SISTER'S BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHURL!

(She is sitting by a pool in Arizona right now! What a wonderful way to celebrate your birthday! As far as the 80-20 rule goes, going south is definitely in the 80!)

Now go party with the NASCAR freaks!

Those Rednecks sure know how to party!

Spring Has Arrived!

2007-04-14T12:07:00.000-05:00

I am so happy that the warm weather has finally arrived!

We are outside as much as possible.

Biking rides to the park and to the ice-cream shop are in order!

Hooray for Spring!

Are You Beautiful???

2007-04-11T08:46:00.000-05:00

Don't be too quick to answer.
You could be stunningly beautiful and you just don't have the right make-up artist yet.
Check out these girls!
Finding the proper make-up artist was all it took.

Maybe the face of the average woman isn't the problem, maybe its lack of access to resources.

I think I will write a proposal to the government, urging them to fund average housewives with access to make-up, hair and air-brush artists.

We can beat this epidemic of bad family pictures, and looking like hags in the photos of our kids birthday parties.

Look what it did for these women!
You could be next!

Maybe you're beautiful! Maybe its Maybelline, and Cover Girl, and Max Factor, and Revlon, and a team of make-up people with spray on tan, and four hair guys from the salon! And a personal chef and trainer and a graphic design team with air brush expertise?

Who knows?
Are you beautiful?

Not again!

2007-04-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

There are certain characteristics I absolutely can NOT stand in people. To use one of my mom's expressions, "it drives me buggy!"

There are certain things people do or say that make me wanna punch them in the mouth.

Yesterday I had a quiet moment of revelation, and I caught a glimspe of myself in the mirror.
I saw a characteristic in myself that I HATE in other people.
Its one of the really annoying
ones that I hate more than any of the others.
Grrrrrrr!!!! I hate it when this happens!

I did not punch myself in the face. I asked God to change me.
Good gracious! I don't want to be that guy/girl! I don't want to judge them but I don't want to be them either! Perhaps I'll have my name legally changed to Judgy McJudgerson.

Eagles...

2007-04-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

DJ got the DVD of the Eagles farewell tour in Australia. We've watched it over and over again.
I have always liked the Eagles music but this is something else.
Watching them perform is such a joy. They dress like your dad or a really weird uncle but its not what they look like that is impressive.

You can see that they love what they are doing, that they love making music and they are enjoying themselves! When they have a solo, you can see the concentration even though they're playing that little bit of music they've played a million times before...they want it to be excellent!

The current "pop stars" are all about how they look, is everyone looking at me, do they want to BE me? Its about shocking, and selling tickets. Most of them don't care about the music rather about how to be a star. Its getting old. The whole thing. I'm not a music connaseur by any stretch of the imagination but I can tell the difference between a cheap immatation and the real deal.

When you watch these "old" rockers make music, they don't care if everyone is looking at them. For all they care, they could be in someone's garage and they'd still have a huge smile on their faces.

I don't know what it is about the Eagles. If its being real, or doing something with excellence, or not caring about the appearance but caring about content. Maybe its the joy they have. Whatever it is...I LIKE it!

April's Fool

2007-04-03T21:15:00.000-05:00

Out like a lamb?

My Aunty Fanny!!!

Silly Statues

2007-03-29T18:42:00.000-05:00

While we were in Grand Forks, we went to a restaurant called Paradisio. The restaurant is filled with statues and we had camera so the silliness and posing ensued.
The kids mimicked the statues...

At one point my neice Brooke started pretending she was trying to take the ball from the statue.
Very funny.
She gets it from her dad!

I think the kids had fun being silly. And I did too!

Weekend Get-A-Way

2007-03-29T18:33:00.000-05:00

We had a quick get-a-way trip to ANOTHER COUNTRY!!! It was very exciting for my girls and my niece and nephew. We went all the way to another country. My little nephew asked if they spoke English in this strange country!
Cute!
Grandma spoiled them rotten, taking them shopping, swimming and letting them stay up late!

She takes this spoiling grandkids things seriously!

It was fun.
We went shopping. Grandma MADE them eat ice-cream for supper!
No vegetables allowed!
They swam and hot-tubbed their way to happiness.
They played play-doh in their new pajamas!

They ate donuts, pop-tarts, and candy. Grandma took them shopping for new shoes and boots and took them lunch.

As the driver, I did my best not to make too many comments about the menu choices!
The kids had a wonderful time and now think Grandma is a female version of Santa Claus.

Slide Personality Test

2007-03-27T11:41:00.000-05:00

At Rebecca's birthday party, we had a bouncer slide. You can tell alot about a kid's personality by the way they approach a slide.

You've got your kids that do it the way their mom would want them to... sitting down, hands on lap and facing forward. Excellent form.

Then you've got you're "oops! What happened?" kids...they sort of fall into it...

You've got your party animals that let 'er rip! Yee-haw! Let's get some air!

And then there is that kid that is cautiously avoiding collision with any other kids.
Squeezing into the edge of the slide seems the safest bet....

And finally, there's always the "Look Ma! No hands!" kids in every crowd.

Rebecca's Birthday

2007-03-27T11:26:00.000-05:00

Rebecca is SIX years old now!

We celebrated her birthday on Saturday. She had breakfast (pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles) with Grandma Seales and Gigi.

The grandmas presented her with a new bike!
Here she was seeing it for the first time....

Later on Saturday evening, we had her party with many of her little friends. The kids had a blast on the big blow-up bouncer slide...

After the slide came the food, cake and games.
We played Pin the Flower on Tinkerbell, Toilet Tag and Telephone.

She received many beautiful gifts and has been busy playing with all her new toys (and jewellery...of course she got jewellery!!) ever since.

I have one happy six year old living with me now!

Power to the Pears!

2007-03-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

This summer promises to be very rewarding for me... fashion-wise.

What's in style for the upcoming season is kimono tops, draw-string tops, and baby-doll tops.

All good if you are shaped like a pear or you got some booty you'd like to hide.
Very exciting. I say let's hide the booty and celebrate the cleavage.
(pronounced clee-v-aaaaa-je)

Now all I need to do is find some slimming capris and I'm set!

One More Sleep

2007-03-21T08:07:00.000-05:00

This morning Isabella asked once again, "Is THIS the morning we pick up Grandma Mama?"
I told her that its not today but tomorrow morning we'll get Grandma Mama.
She shrieked, "You mean tomorrow in only ONE more sleep? Oh my Gosh! I'm so excited I could jump off my head!"
Then she got all excited and started hugging and kissing me. She's rather like a puppy in many ways.
I was not ready for this excitment so early in the morning, as I wasn't ready to open my eyes.
I asked her what time the clock said, and she told me very loudly, "its six-four-five!!!"

Question:
After Grandma arrives will she sleep past six-four-five again?"

ps I hope that she doesn't actually "jump off her head" cause I bet Grandma Mama is going to want to kiss that little face!

Four Year Old Wisdom

2007-03-18T07:49:00.000-05:00

I had an insightful conversation with Isabella while driving in the van the other day. She had just been naughty after pre-school and I told her that needed to stop very quickly or she would have a consequence. The conversation below is what followed...

Here is a transcript of our conversation:

I: Mommy, what if God gave you a naughty daughter who disobeyed all the time, would you give her away?
E: No, I would teach her how to behave and not be naughty all the time.
I: Yes, but what if you couldn't teach her? What if she was just bad?
E: Children are not bad, children get taught by their parents, so if a child is naughty, it is the parent's job to teach that child how to be kind and obedient.
I: What if you just couldn't teach her, then would you give her away?
E: No, because the children God gives me are mine, and I would love them anyway. Even if she was naughty all the time, I would keep her. I would just keep trying to love her.
I: Oh!
E: Do you think that you need to be good for mommy to love you?
I: Noooo....but its hard to be obedient... but its easy to be loving, you love me lots because I'm really loving and you love cuddling me.
E: What's the difference between being good and being loving?
I: Good is just being obedient but loving is good with kindness, and obedience can be good without kindness so loving is much better. I'm good at being loving.

After this, she got bored of that topic and moved on to talking about "loud Michael" at pre-school who never obeys the Panis (teachers) and yadda yadda yadda...

I was stuck on her last sentence. "You can be good without kindness but loving is good with kindness." That's it right there. That is difference between being religious and being a godly person. My four year old gets it.

Just being good doesn't cut it. You can obey all the rules, and get everything looking right from the outside and still be cruel (without kindness). But if you are loving then the kindness is built in automatically and the good will be there too! With the correct motivation and intentions in the heart. Loving is good with kindness.

Maybe this is why Jesus said, "Love another as I have loved you" and not "Obey all the rules and be good all the time." When we act out of love and we are motivated out of a right heart.
If we are loving, we will get the whole picture.

I learn so much from my kids.

Grass is Always Greener...

2007-03-15T08:26:00.000-05:00

The other day Isabella heard some kids at pre-school talking about day-care.
She came home and asked me what day-care was.

I explained that is it something like when I drop her off at babysitting at the Y while I go get some exercise. The difference is that instead of staying with the other kids for one hour, she would stay with them for a whole day.

Both her and Rebecca immediately start whining, "Awwwww....why can't WE go to day-care? We want to play with other kids all day! Can we go to day-care, puuuullllleeeeezzzeee?"

Man-oh-man! You stay home to raise the kids, and take a hit financially and they want to be in day-care. I'm sure if they were in day-care, they would wish I was home to take of them.
The grass is always greener on the other side.

On the other hand, they are both very social little creatures, perhaps it is time for some part-time day-care. I think I will experiment with this over the summer, try a day-camp here and there and see what they think.

That's a good word. Experiment. Isn't that what parenting is? Trial and error.
My poor little Rebecca, well, all first children for that matter. They are the guinea pigs.

Camera Phone

2007-03-10T07:48:00.000-06:00

We spend alot of time in the van just going place to place. While I ran into a store, DJ and the girls were just hanging out in the car. They got bored so they started to play with the camera on the cell phone...

Anatomy of the Worry Wart Brain (4am)

2007-03-09T04:46:00.000-06:00

Its almost 4:45am and my mind is alive with random thoughts. At 4:00am Isabella Puddle Bed had an accident which required that I get up, change her sheets and clothes. Since then I've been trying (without success) to get back to sleep. My brain thinks I turned the switch "on". Clearly, this is a miscommunication as I would never choose to be awake at this hour.

I thought, well, I'm up anyway and lately I haven't had much to blog about, maybe I should blog the random things I think about before the sun is up....

Why did I let Isabella have liquids after 6pm? That was really dumb. Note to self: don't do that again.
I wonder if Rebecca S.K. cried or smiled or squealed when she saw her grandbaby again. (this makes me smile) Its hard for grandmas who live far away, and the idea of her being reunited with Eithnee makes me happy for all involved. *happy thought*
I am looking forward to my mom's plans to be here with us again in the spring, I've been missing her lately and I love watching how the girls "FREAK-OUT" when they see her.
I wonder how my cousin Lara is doing, and hoping she can make a life for herself where she is healthy and happy. If she moves here, I hope I can help her without taking over, and making either of us crazy.
I pray for my nephew's cut on his head to heal quickly, and that it doesn't hurt too much to get his stitches out today. I pray for strength and patience for my sister-in-law as she makes another trip to the doctor with her 3 boys.
I pray that mother-in-law is okay. I hate when she is sick, it worries me. I'm never quite sure that is going to be okay. I hope she liked her videos.
I am sad that my sister-in-law did not have a great birthday last week, and think about what I could do to make it better.
Oh, birthdays! Must remember to buy birthday gift for Bella's friend's party this Sunday.
Must get Rebecca's birthday party invitations ready tomorrow.
Hmmmmm....tomorrow...what do I need to do? Return videos, give Bella a bath, get ready for two meetings...oh yes that 10:30am meeting...what am I going to say?
That reminds me, I need to start planning the summer programming for the youth. Need to get a plan in place for recruitment by 10:30am tomorrow morning. Oh Lord, Help!
I wonder if I'll have enough time to get in a work-out tomorrow?
I think I ate too much yesterday, perhaps I should eat a little less tomorrow. Stop thinking about food! I'm getting hungry.
Oh crap! I forgot to buy laundry detergent yesterday.
I wonder how much day camp costs at the YMCA in the summertime? I wonder if Isabella is old enough to go, and if she isn't, will she be upset if Rebecca gets to go?
How soon are we going to have to replace the power steering pump on the van and how much is it going to cost?
I really need to get some drapes for the girl's rooms.
I wonder how D.J.'s volleyball game went. Did he play well? Will he happy in the morning? Did they win? Will he be happy in the morning?
I should call Cheryl and see if she wants to go for lunch tomorrow. I should not call her right now as she is probably sleeping. She might not like that.
I want to be like King David of the Bible. I want to be someone without ambition except to be a friend of God, that's cool. Besides, I don't think being a king would be all its cracked up to be anyway. I don't think I'd have enjoyed being responsible for that many people. Responsible for what thousands of people, that they are safe from raiders, that they have enough food and shelter, to set up a justice system, and keep all the coup d'etats at bay, dealing with traitors in the royal court. That sounds like alot of work. I'm not sure that its even worth a palace. I think David had the right idea, making friendship with God the ultimate reward. That sounds much more rewarding than a life of royalty. He was a pretty wise king.
I think the Ali G Show is stupid. (just rented it tonight) It didn't really make me laugh at all. I don't think I will watch the Borat movie, I just find him offensive, and I end up feeling sorry for him. Its not funny to me.
I wonder how Vanessa is doing, if she is still busy with work and if she's happy. I hope she is happy. I wonder if she will ever have a baby.
Ewww...my hands still smell like pee. I should get up and wash them, since I'm awake anyway I might as well go blog. What will I blog about? Hmmmm...how about just all these random thoughts I've been having? Who would actually read that?

Manitoba Gives...

2007-03-05T11:26:00.000-06:00

When I was away at a seminar for work, the welcoming comments were given by a Manitoba politician. He said that Manitoba was one of the most generous provinces in Canada.

When he said that, it really stuck with me...Manitoba is not a "have" province. We have a higher proportion of people living here on social assistance and disablility because of the lower cost of living and yet we are one of the most generous.

Then I thought - how is he measuring that? What is his definition of generous?
So being curious in nature, I phoned his office and asked what he was basing that statement on, and they put me through to the person in his office who wrote his speech for him.

Here is the proof according to Stats Canada and the Frasier Institute:

1. Manitoba has the second highest distribution of volunteers. Only Saskatchewan is higher.
Which means that Manitobans are more likely to volunteer than in other provinces.
2. When it comes to giving donations to charities Manitoba has the second highest average in the country (second only to Ontario). The national average for giving is $259 per person per year. And in Manitoba it is $383 per Manitoban.

Those are pretty impressive statements about Manitoba. Manitobans are more likely to volunteer our time and give our money than other places in Canada even though financially it would seem we have less to give in the first place.

That makes me proud to be from Manitoba. Even if I am freezing my ass off. I have friendly neighbours and a government who appears to care about those who are in need.
Yay!

Time Flies

2007-03-02T16:26:00.000-06:00

I can not believe that the time has gone by so quickly.

This Monday the time has come for me to register my
baby girl for kindergarten!

I knew it was coming but as the day approaches, it seems so much
more real and she is really going to kindergarten this fall.
For real.

Too fast.
Much much too fast.

Bella Buff

2007-02-27T17:26:00.000-06:00

Some shots of Bella running around in the buff. Why?
Because it amuses her. She's a little nudist. Loves being naked.
Weird.
Reminds me of a friend of mine who loved to moon people. He got over that stage....eventually, hopefully this stage won't last as long for Bella as it did for him!

Hey! You readers that know who I am talking about...do you admire my discretion in not saying the name of the "mooner" to protect his identity? Pretty classy eh? I'll bet Sean really appreciated that!

Little Banger

2007-02-27T17:12:00.000-06:00

Rebecca decided she wanted bangs so she just grabbed a chunk at the top of her head and
SNIP!!!! Instant bangs. She didn't even tell me after she did it, she waited until I noticed on my own.

I did what I could to even them out on either side of the chunk and now she has little curly bits hanging down. Such is life. I thought I'd take a few pics of her new do but she was in a goofy mood so I got a giggle shot, an I'm still talking shot and a goofy-face shot.

PSA Bunn's Creek Park

2007-02-22T10:05:00.000-06:00

This is my public service announcement about the fabulous Bunn's Creek Park.
It is right by our house and it has a rink, sliding hill onto the creek, an ice-slide and a hiking trail that leads to the Red River. Bunn's Creek Rocks!
If you wanna check it out, let us know and we'll get the hot chocolate brewing for you.

We took Rebecca skating for the first time last Sunday.
Here she is holding onto to daddy for balance.

Getting a little braver, striking out on her own

Girls going down the ice slide.
(That is me behind Bella going down the ice slide, there is not a ninja trying to grab her.)

Bella on the ice, not wanting to try the skates.
Too scary!

But she will go down the little slide with her big sister.

New Mercies Every Day

2007-02-21T11:23:00.000-06:00

Thoughts on life as a mommy, a home maker, a friend and a wife.

Sometimes the pancakes are fluffy and golden
and sometimes you burn the grill cheese.

Some days the stove top sparkles and gleams
and some days you bleach the black socks

Sometimes the snack for school is warm, fresh-baked banana bread
and sometimes its day-old carrots and water

Some days begin with quiet reflection, cuddles and conversation
and some days are cursed with running behind and hurried commands

Sometimes daddy is welcomed home to a hug and hot dinner
and sometimes the weeping banshee throws cold cereal on the table

Some days mommy is a craft genius with little care for the mess
and some days she is more Mommy Hyde than Mommy Jeckle

Some seasons are filled with warm invitations and entertaining
and some seasons are walked out alone at a tiresome pace

Sometimes grace, compassion and mercy abound for all loved ones
and sometimes the grinch turns green and curses the world

No matter what each new day carries with it, perspective is the key
the faithful sun will rise again and bring new mercies in its rays

Wretchedness will be forgiven once more and all the oopses loved away
Love covers every sin and new mercies will greet me with a smile

Whether I get it all done to perfection or mess it up beyond repair
"God! Meet me again, be always my only reward!" will be my prayer.

Back Inaction Back In Action

2007-02-16T12:22:00.000-06:00

I have not blogged at all this week due to spinal complications.
On Monday something odd occurred, I went from life as usual to life in the horizontal.

My back when out. I've had back issues before but I'd always had some sort of forewarning when it was about to go out. It would be sore or stiff, go out, I'd go to the chiropractor and then all would be well again.

But this was different.
This went from normal to extreme pain and inability to move at all.
It was awful. DJ took off work as I couldn't move and the girls still need to be fed and taken to school. After a couple of chiropractor visits and two days laying in bed, it didn't improve so we went to the doctor to see what this nonsense was.

It turns out it is a slipped disc that is putting pressure on my cyatic nerve.
This explained the extreme pain. I am sceduled for a CT scan which will only be necessary if I don't improve over the next two weeks.
So I am now on high-powered anti-inflammatory pills which are very helpful. I am able to walk again, laying down is getting more comfortable and I can sit for a few minutes now. (I hadn't been able to sit for the last 4 days)

I've been sitting and typing for a few minutes so its time to stop now. Things are stiffening up again.

Please pray that I would heal quickly and permanently. I don't want an old lady back when I'm still a young lady. Or ever for that matter.

Toothfairy Going Bankrupt

2007-02-09T12:46:00.000-06:00

Rebecca has had two teeth fall out so far. She is so cute with her big gap on the bottom!
We keep telling her she has a built-in straw holder! She loves this loose tooth thing and was thrilled to show the dentist yesterday! She also insisted that the hygenist use mint dental floss not the cherry one - that is for kids! Since she has adult teeth coming in, its time to switch to adult dental floss!

(However the cookie dough flavor tooth polish was okay because it tasted sooooo good! Isabella kept trying to eat it!)

They are such funny girls!

Wonderful Workshop

2007-02-05T09:22:00.000-06:00

On Friday I attended a conference for work. The keynote speaker was a best selling author (Barbara Coloroso) who speaks to teachers and parents all over the world.

I loved what she had to say about the difference between punishment and discipline.
Here is a short summary of that part of the workshop:

Punishment is...

Adult Oriented
Requires Judgment
Imposes Power from Without
Arouses Anger and Resentment
Invites More Conflict

Whereas Discipline...

Shows Children What they have Done Wrong
Gives Them Ownership of the Problem
Gives Them Ways to Solve the Problems they have Created
Leaves Their Dignity in Tact

I think it is so wise. I want to discipline my children, not punishment them. I really want them to learn and stop all the harmful behaviors (to themselves and others). I liked the methods of dealing with conflict between children as well but I'll save that for another day.

What are your thoughts on these definitions of punishment and discipline?

New Blogskin

2007-01-31T20:17:00.000-06:00

Yvonne has designed a new blogskin for me. I absolutely LOVE it!
It is representative of where I am in life right now.

It is so perfectly fitting at the moment!

Sushi Night...

2007-01-30T09:24:00.000-06:00

Last night many friends gathered to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was a lovely evening, even if I did not eat sushi. The teriaki chicken was delicious. During the fine meal, the women (and myself) chattered away because that's what women do best. During the conversation I had a bit of a revelation.

My friends were talking about being overwhelmed by life. The stress of trying to balance home, work, kids, business partners seemed to be taking its toll. They were exhausted. Done. Kaput.
Where do you go from Kaput?

Here is the epiphany part: its NOT just me!! It seems everybody felt this way. We are all normal, well-adjusted women having a normal reaction to abnormal expectations.

While I listened, I wanted to swoop in and save my friends. Perhaps I could come up with some brilliant advice that would change their lives and make it all better. I racked my brains and came up with nothing. Nothing helpful. No solutions. No easy answers.

How can swoop in and save my friends from the same lie that I am caught in?

When "they" tell you that you can have it all, "they" fail to mention that it comes at a price.

Work, parenting, and keeping up a home are three full time jobs.
This is an unrealistic expectation.
So why are we still chipping away at it? It is our dream? Is it the ideal? Is it what we really want?
Or do we simply believe a lie; if you just try harder, eventually you'll get it right.
Maybe its not us!
Maybe we aren't getting it right because its not possible.
Maybe we aren't meant to teach our children phonics while thinking about the financial projections for next years first quarter while simultaneously doing dishes.
Perhaps that is abnormal!
And I am just another normal working mom. (Yay! I'm normal!)

So like LarryBoy, we're caught by the fib from outer space (for the Veggie Tale fans) waiting for someone to speak the truth!
I have no answers but I love to search for truth and I hate to be caught in a lie. I will continue to look for places in my life where this lie has got me pinned, and fight back with the truth.
Here I go...

TRUTH # 1 - I do NOT have to do this all by myself! I can ask for help!

Kid's Quotes

2007-01-29T09:17:00.000-06:00

The other day while Isabella was eating her breakfast she said, "Mom! I asked you for some orange juice!" Besides the fact that it was a rude way to ask, it wasn't even true.
She had not asked me for orange juice so I pointed this out.
She replied, "Oh! I guess I just thought it so why didn't you just read my mind?"
I told her that I actually can't read minds, and she said, "Sure you can. You do it to me all the time."
I think this is a good thing. I will encourage this misconception for as long as possible, particularly when she is a teenager. This might come in handy!

The day that Rebecca's tooth came out, she was so excited she had teeth on her mind all day. This caused her to make a funny. D.J. was happily farting when she piped up, "Hey! I think daddy is the Toot Fairy!" Both girls thought this was hysterical. I must admit, I thought it was pretty funny too!

Hometime yet?

2007-01-25T09:36:00.000-06:00

I don't wanna work

I just wanna bang on the drum all day!

I don't wanna play

I just wanna bang on the drum all day!

This is my theme song this week!

Lazy Sunday Morning

2007-01-21T10:22:00.000-06:00

This morning I just sat at my computer and read through all the blogs that I read regularly.
I love reading about the joys, sorrows or just the thoughts of people that I care about. I love it when they post pictures so I feel like I have seen them, even though many of them are far away!

One thing I noticed as I was reading through all the blogs, which were all varied and beautiful is that MANY of them were created by Yvonne. They are all very different, they suit the personalities of their owners and they are lovely to look at while I read the content within.

So I wanted to say publicly to Yvonne. Thank you for creating so many beautiful blogs for your friends, so that we have a way of keeping in touch even though our lives are so busy. This link of community is a great way to prevent lonliness and keep in touch through the miles.

I know Yvonne put a lot of hours, thought and time into each blog, which she often did for free for her friends, and friends of friends. Her generosity has come back in two ways:

1. There is a circle of bloggers who can keep in touch with each other and maintain friendships.
2. Her work has been noticed and she has received a free trip (First Class) to get further training on website work.

I'm so glad that she was generous to me, and to many of my friends and that it came back around to her! Good on ya Yvonne! Enjoy your trip. It is well deserved.

So all you bloggers reading this...if Yvonne made your blog, please give her a big thanks, and let's wish her well on her trip!
ps Its also her birthday next week! She is REALLY old now! So you have to speak up to wish her a happy birthday!

Weekend

2007-01-19T08:39:00.000-06:00

Well, its almost the weekend again and I could not be more pleased! This has been another crazy week. I haven't had time to blog, which is probably good as my thoughts would most likely have been disjointed with all that I've had on my mind.

There is one thing that has stayed with me for the last couple of days that was said at a work meeting. I'd been wanting to post it, to see what the wise people in my life (you know who you are) have to say about it.

Now I expect all the people who read this post to comment because you may not think you are wise, but how do you know if I think you are wise or not? Perhaps I think you are wise, and am awaiting your input whilst you grapple with your insecurities! ha ha

Here it what was said in the meeting:

We were discussing variables in the stages of adolscense that make programming for youth difficult. Most of the topics centered around teens searching for independence, needing a sense of ownership to buy in, while still needing to feel secure in the staff so they felt safe enough to attend. A bit of a catch-22. The need to believe that adults are a source of safety/knowledge/guidance while attempting to find their own power/independence.

Then someone in the meeting said, "That is why I think fundamentalist Christians act like children. They have a need to see God as a father because they feel unsafe in the world without the idea of a big parent in the sky watching over them. That's why they love rules so much, because then they feel like there is something bigger than them so if they just do what the rules say, then everything will be okay. They never grow up or gain independence."

When she said it, I was stunned. I couldn't believe that someone would actually say that and yet she did, and I just sat there dumbfounded. It really struck something in me. Not my faith. That was unmoved because I there is a God because I know that I know that I know in my knower but something about what she said reaked of truth. That bothered me.

I spent every spare moment since Wednesday thinking about how much of that statement was true, and how much of it was just someone who was angry at the church and at God.

Alright wise ones...what do you think?

Toothfairy Time!!!

2007-01-13T18:17:00.000-06:00

My baby is growing up WAY too fast!
She has a loose tooth! Scratch that, loose TEETH!

Her top two starting to wiggle last week and now her bottom two got the motion.
Yup! They be dancing caps, they be!

Teenage Mentality

2007-01-12T08:07:00.000-06:00

I have been working with teenagers since I was one myself. I have noticed some patterns of behavior in my travels. I don't know if the experts or books would back up my musings but none the less, I will share them with anyone who wants to read this post!

Everyone knows that the biggest challenge of adolescence is establishing independence. The idea of depending on adults for guidance seems childlike and is therefore deplorable (which is why junior high teachers should be paid $1,000,000 a year in my opinion!).

This desire to break away from dependence on adults is exciting and terrifying at the same time resulting in crazy behaviour. Youth can behave both childish, impulsive, controlling and WAY too mature for their age...all in the same hour! You can imagine how crazy this seems to the adults who have charge of these little schisms, not to mention how scary it is for the youth!

You take this volatile mindset and add hormones and what you get is a ticking time bomb! (This explains why "good kids" can do such stupid things.) So you add crazy and hormonal rage together and ask kids to start thinking about what they want to be when they grow up! That is an overwhelming task to think about and the conclusions to this query are often impulsive, unattainable, if they are forthcoming at all. This difficult decision about WHAT they want to be comes at a time when they are trying to figure out WHO they want to be.

The easiest substitute for self-discovery (which requires fore-thought, commitment, and energy) is to look at all the things they don't want to become. Its takes much less effort to state what you dislike compared with discovering what you do like. Have you ever noticed how negative adolscent children can be? Did you ever wonder why? Did you ever want to pummel them because of it? Me too.

Let's add together impulsivity, hormones, desire to break away from adult input with the ease of communicating what you don't want to do or be. Is it any wonder that people have always said teenagers are rebellious?

How is that so many people remember their teenage years fondling when they spent much of it entrenched in a sesspool of insecurity, confusion and hormonal rage?
I think the answer lies in freedom, hope and potential.

Freedom
While many teens seem to hate their parents and hope to be nothing like them when they grow up, they are still being fed, clothed, housed and entertained by said pathetic beasts of burden.
Freedom from the constraints of the reality in our demanding, stressful culture makes it easy to stand outside of an adult perspective and see all that is wrong with it. For example, "When I'm move out on my own I'm going to just order pizza every night and I won't complain about how much it cost like my dad!" This freedom which is mostly taken for granted due to lack of experience with the demands of reality allows for hope for better things.

Hope
Teens often look at all the things that are wrong with the world and explain how they will fix it as soon as they get the chance. How often have I heard youth say things like "just stop pollution, people don't need to make so much money" or "I'm just going to make people stop going to war, war is stupid". This simplistic view of the world is not fettered by the contraints of reality, which feeds such a hopeful view of the future. Many youth feel that the world is in a crappy state (clearly done by their parents, teachers and politicians) but they would do it all differently and we'd all be better off if we'd just listen to them! They have the potential to make a difference.

Potential
The truth is that teenagers (no matter what it looks like from the outside) are full of potential. I think many teachers, coaches, parents, youth leaders recognize this potential, which is why they are willing to pour time and energy into this often ungrateful and rebellious population. Teens really have lived so little of their lives, they still have incredible amounts of energy, their intellectual abilities are just on the upward swing towards full capability.
(Ever wonder why the entertainment industry invests so heavily into this population? Must be a pretty big pay-off!)

This is why I like working with youth.
They have energy that is not being tapped, looking for some place to invest themselves (provided it isn't boring). They live with freedom that allows them to do wild, silly and funny things. They have a great sense of humor. Because they are the center of their universe, they often have the confidence to lead their peers even if they are truly terrified that they are doing it wrong. They are full of hope for the future and they have potential to shape their world (and ours). Whether or not we adults like it, they are our future, and that future is not that far off.

I think that my investment is a good one. Even if I am often frustrated with impulsivity, rebellion and silliness that accompanies this group of people. Much like a teenager, I still have hope that I making a difference in the lives of adolescents who careen through each day full of hope, confusion, negativity, humor, hormones, freedom, despair and potential.

"Coolest Marathon in the World"

2007-01-09T17:28:00.000-06:00

My sister was telling me the other day about a marathon that is run at the north pole.
It is called the "Coolest Marathon in the World". Click here to see information on it.

Running a marathon on a warm, sunny day is painful enough but running one at the North Pole?
Frost bite, muscles seizing up, difficulty breathing, trying to run on feet that are frozen.
And here is the kicker, its costs 9,300 Euro which is $14, 249.86 in Canadian dollars.

This got me thinking, I think there is an untapped market out there.
People who have way too much money, who enjoy pain and are willing to pay to have pain inflicted on them. Let's called them WeMas. (short for Wealthy Masochists)

No problem. I can supply the demand of that market. And I won't charge nearly as much those other guys. I'll be like the Wal-Mart of pain infliction.

If you know anyone WeMas, send them my way or you can just provide them with a copy of my price list (found below).

I'll slap you upside the head for $20.
I'll punch you in the face for $35.
Wednesdays we have a combo special for $40 (a $55 value) I'll punch and slap your face.
A kick in the nads is $75.
A round house to the face, followed by multiple kidney punches is $120.
Taking a hammer to your feet is $150 (because of the time involved)

For those on your list who love the pain but can't afford all the classy packages, I will pull hair for $5.

I think I will develop some sort of points system, if you buy any three packages you get a free charlie horse or snake bite.

All in a Day's Work

2007-01-05T09:27:00.000-06:00

Here is the igloo the girls and I built in the front yard. In the dark? Actually it is 5:00pm!

Curled up, ready for a camp-out!

"I will make the tea."

(make note in the picture below, that is a chimney with smoke coming out)

"TA-DA!"

Denial

2007-01-04T20:31:00.000-06:00

I am currently enjoying being on holidays from my job. I haven't checked my email in two weeks. I've been pretending that I don't have a job. In my little fantasy, I stay home with my kids all the time. I cook and bake like this all the time and I always have time to keep my house clean. In my make believe life I spend all my days like today...in my pajamas, reading books, doing my kids nails, and building igloos in the front yard.

The truth is I don't want to go back to work.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to face how much there is to do.
I want to go on pretending.

Sad.
So so sad.

2007-01-04T13:36:00.000-06:00

Crazy Dancer...

My mom said something to me when she was here that has me thinking. It was a quote from somewhere or other that said...

Those who don't heard the music think the dancer is mad.

I've been thinking alot about that.
I'm not a dancer but there have been times when I did things or said things that were controversial but they were right (for me) because I saw things differently.
I'm not saying I always see the whole picture, but I've learned at certain times that doing what I believe to be right has required going against popular opinion. That is hard, but maybe there is something to perspective that makes dancing right for the dancer even when everyone else doesn't understand what the heck they are doing.

So today I want to encourage all those crazy dancers out there who have the courage to dance when no one else can even hear the music. People who are brave enough (sometimes) to do what they believe is right when it seems everyone else thinks you are nuts.

I'll make a toast.
Raise your glass.
To Independence...To Courage...

2007-01-03T08:48:00.000-06:00

Reset Button...

Something about a New Year always feels like someone has pushed the Re-Set Button on my life. For some reason on January first I always feel very cheery. The new day and new year feel so full of potential.

People are full of hope (especially at the gym) ha ha ha. People challenge themselves to be better, to do better and make a change for the positive. I love that.

Many people think resolutions are bunk but I've always thought that intentions count for something. I want to give credit for the desire to be better even if they fail miserably on day two as I often do.

Perhaps intentions/resolutions go hand in hand with mercy. We find it hard to do what it is we want to do--if we could do it we would have been doing already in 2006, right? Yet there is something about a new beginning fills us with hope to try. That sense of potential, coupled with a new beginning can make intentions become reality.

Here is where mercy comes in. No new thing is easy. Dedication to a new way of living is challenging and human beings are imperfect. So when the resolution is broken, one must have mercy on oneself. All is not lost. I think that is when most resolutions get tossed aside.
People are not short on intentions, they are short on commitment, and afraid of failure.
(I know because I am a people!)

So my question is not what is your resolution this year...rather what is your plan for the first time you break the resolution? The second time? How will you show mercy to yourself, and try again?
How will you stay committed when you don't feel like doing it? Whatever it is?
(Of course this plan of action doesn't apply to my perfect friends...you know who you are!)

Don't be afraid of failure, count on it and have a plan in place. Nobody does it perfectly everytime. So my plan to keep my resolution this to try everyday, and when I mess it up to start again day after day until I get it right.

My resolution...
Wouldn't you like to know?

What a cheeky monkey!

2007-01-02T08:52:00.000-06:00

Weird Snow...

We've had another big dump of snow here in Winnipeg. That is not weird. In fact, its very normal for this time of year.
But there is something weird about the snow.

Normally we have big wet fluffy snow flakes, that sticks to your windshield. It forms great slabs of ice that cause people to slide and injure their backs. It makes roads into skating rinks and there are car crashes all over the place.

But this new snow is weird. It is like a dry powder. It shovels away with ease and doesn't stick to the side-walk or the shovel. I haven't used my windshield scraper yet this winter.

What could be my complaint about such polite snow?
Well, quite honestly, it worries me. Perhaps I'm being paranoid. However, with all the talk of global warming, and environmental changes I can't help but wonder if this is not a good thing. What if 'dry snow' isn't what our climate needs? Don't farmers need some moisture during the winter?

With all the changes in the whole earth, I understand that environmentally we're all in for some severe changes in the next years to come. But up until now, Canada has pretty much been exempt from such disasters as mudslides, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis etc...this is the first time a weather change has hit this close to home for me. Things are different now, and I must adjust my thinking. Think more globally. Think more urgently. Live less extravently.

In other news, it is supposed to be minus four tomorrow. Also very abnormal for this time year.

2006-12-30T14:13:00.000-06:00

I'm it...But Not for Long...

I got tagged by Rebecca. I have to say 5 things that people might not know about me and then tag other people. So I'm it.

1. When I was younger I was very skinny and my big brother used to make me cry by calling me Skeletor. He was the bad guy in He-Man. (now I would love to be called skeletor :)

2. Because I love to shop people think I'm a spender, but I'm actually a saver. What I love about shopping is finding bargains, its a game to me and I am actually good with money.

3. I am allergic to band-aids. (adhesives make my skin break out in hives)

4. In grade four I beat up a boy and made him cry because he was teasing my cousin.

5. I can eat an entire jar of dill pickles in one sitting. They are like candy to me. Pregant or not.

Now I tag:
Deanna
Lynne
Rhonda
Mom
Cindy (because she needs to update her blog)

2006-12-23T10:24:00.000-06:00

Family Photo 2006...

We were too busy this fall to get our family photo done so I thought I'd share Christmas family photos from the last few years instead. Happy Christmas thoughts to all!

Christmas 2000 - our first family Christmas photo, DJ, me and Rebecca (in-utero). I was expecting Rebecca so we thought we'd start a tradition of family photos at Christmas!

Christmas 2001 was our first "official" Christmas family photo since we had our little princess with us. I was so excited about dressing her up for the photo!

Christmas 2002 - The one big change from Christmas 2001 is that we added a kid. As indicated by their dresses, we thought they made a nice matching set!

Christmas 2003 we did not have a family picture taken as I was caring for two babies, and I looked like a hag. I avoided all cameras during this stage but by the next fall, I was feeling more sane and I asked for Lynne to come take some family shots, she graciously agreed.
This beautiful photo was taken by Lynne.

Here we are in front our itty-bitty Christmas tree in 2004.

This is our family on Christmas 2005.

Christmas 2006

Since we did not have the time to get our family picture done this year (so much for traditions), I commissioned our resident artist Rebecca to do one of our family. It is amazing how blonde we all look this year!

2006-12-21T12:48:00.000-06:00

Creating a Monster...

I have a friend who is a hairdresser on Corydon. She cuts the girl's hair. The other day after Rebecca's hair cut, she asked Becca (not me) if she wanted her hair straightened.
Rebecca was thrilled. Of course she loved it, and asked if I could do that to her hair everyday.
My friend smiled this huge grin and said, "Oh look! I've created a monster!" Colleen was thrilled with herself. Clearly, she is evil.

Here are some pictures of Rebecca with her straight hair! We took pictures because this service will NOT be provided everyday!

She is very happy with how long it is getting!

2006-12-19T23:32:00.000-06:00

Mentalness Setting In...

It could be the preparations for Christmas, or trying to tie up all the loose ends at work while doing the extra mommy stuff with my kids (concerts, gatherings etc) but I think my mentalness alert button is going off.

Blogger keeps underlining the word "mentalness" in red. I wonder why. Any ideas Cindy?

In my state of red-alert mentalness here are my thoughts at the moment, in no particular order. (If I ordered my thoughts, they wouldn't be mental now would they?)

1. Hole punchers are cool. And useful. Handy, useful, cool.

2. I dislike chocolate a great deal and people keep giving me boxes of chocolates. Perhaps I look very PMSy. (PMSy also underlined in red)

B. Advil is a great way to spend an hour or two.

5. Why do we have CDs now? What was wrong with cassette tapes? They made a neat sound in the case when the tape jiggled around. Surely that was reason enough to keep them.

IV. I didn't finish writing my Christmas cards yet, I wonder who really cares. Is there someone out there waiting for a Christmas card from me, feeling rejected because it hasn't arrived yet or am I the only person who cares whether or not they arrive at their selected destinations before Christmas? I think the reason I send them is to say "hi" or "I'm thinking about you" so if it arrives on Boxing Day, then I'm still spreading joy, its just not Christmas joy anymore, its Boxing Day joy, but its still joy so why don't I stop stressing out already?

R. I am amazed at the number of people who have asked my kids what Santa is bringing them for Christmas. Strangers, people I work with, its nuts. Since I'm not huge on the whole Santa thing, we've never really done it so my kids are kind of put off by it. They say, "Um....what I would like for Christmas is..." but they don't believe in Santa so they think its weird that adults do. Not that I think people who let their kids believe in Santa are wrong. I just think, they are gonna find out anyway and then they'll be mad that I lied so its better to believe in real people giving them gifts because they have real relationships with real people that love them than the santa thing. That's my stance. Besides, the whole chimney thing was just confusing my kids. Rebecca started crying at the idea of having a fire on Christmas in case we burn Santa.

4. And my final disconjointed thought of the late evening, Jane Austen is a great writer. I am reading Emma right now and I love her writing although my grade 11 English teacher would have made her correct some of her run-on sentences. She made me. If I knew better I would have brought in a copy of Sense and Sensibility and pointed out some of the paragraph-long sentences in that CLASSIC novel. That's right. I am scarred by having had to correct my run-on sentences.
There. Now I said it. Now I can move on. I can use long sentences again.
Jane Austen did it. Why can't I? I can't think of a long sentence. But if I did, I could use it.
It would be okay. Trust me.

2006-12-18T15:37:00.000-06:00

My Brother's Blog...

My big brother (who I blogged about the other day) has now started a blog.
He has posted a bunch of pictures of my cutie-faced nephews, and my beautiful niece.

Check Dwight out!

2006-12-17T15:42:00.000-06:00

Wonderful Time of Year...

We have been busy, busy, busy...but for all good things. Entertaining, sliding, baking, enjoying family. Its all good.

One more week of work and then its just party, party, party.
Christmas is my most favorite time of year.

2006-12-12T11:18:00.000-06:00

BAM!!!

For the last week or so, Isabella has been a living imitation of Emeril (from the cooking show).
She says "Bam!" all the time. She is Emeril's mini-me.

Examples:
"I was just working away on my toys and then BAM! my room was clean."
"I ran in the gym and BAM! my tummy got hungry."
"What if Rebecca was riding her school bus and BAM! the bus broke?"
"The music came on and BAM I just started to dance!"

The weird thing about this?
She has never seen that show so I have no idea where all this BAM! came from!

2006-12-08T07:12:00.000-06:00

Have You Seen This Man???

I have! I talked with him yesterday at work. It was a muffled conversation at best, since....well, you know!

2006-12-07T10:08:00.000-06:00

Big Brother to the Rescue...

As a young girl I spent many hours worrying about my big brother's salvation. To begin with, he didn't like going to church. I know, that is horrific enough but there is more! He wanted to stay home and watch cartoons, surely his soul was in mortal danger.
During the hymn singing he would mouth the words as an opera star or a rock star. He made me giggle which was sinful in itself. Sometimes he would change the words in the hymns to naughty words like poop, fart and burp. I needed to double my prayer time where he was concerned.

I feared my brother was headed for the great lake of fire in H-E-double hockey sticks. Surely God did not approve of us laughing in church! What's worse, I could no longer attend saturday choir practise without giggling. My big brother had pointed out the fact that the choir leader lady had a double chin that jiggled when she hit the high notes. It was true. It really did, and it was hilarious.

If you think those transgressions were not bad enough to warrant my distress, he had other sins that put his soul in mortal danger. He liked to play at the arcade. If that wasn't a den of iniquity I didn't know what was. My ten year old mind was awash with torment for my big brother's salvation. His distain for the church made me fear for his life.

While I focused on his activities during the sermon, his attendance at choir practise I missed a few clues that might have set my mind at ease. The fact that he would take home any lost soul and love them when no one else did not clue me into the state of his heart. I failed to notice his loyalty to friends and family, and his soft-hearted care for broken people, and animals. He didn't talk like the people at church but many times he acted like Jesus.
If I hadn't been so caught up in church rules, I would have saved my young mind alot of anxiety.

This past year has been a difficult one for me where church is concerned. I find myself questioning many things about the church. I am questioning the teachings I have heard since I was a child, some of the stuff I heard as an adult, my own hyposcrisy and religious thinking, as well as the place of the church as an institution. I have talked to quite a few different people about these issues and concerns, and the responses have been varied.

Some people said this is as good as it gets, just deal with it. Others suggested I step out, get myself put back together and then get with the program. Still others said, follow God not the church, don't worry about what's wrong with it, just leave it alone. A great many more said, I'm as confused as you are, don't ask me. Finally after a year of different answers, none of which left me feeling any less confused I had a long talk with my big brother.

He made the most sense of anyone I have talked to in a long time in regards to church. He was patient with my frustration, graceful when it came to failings of the church, and understanding about what it is I want from church. He explained the humanity of church and challenged me to be gracious and forgiving. If the church is made up broken people, how can we put together broken people, mash it all together and expect something whole to emerge? My expectations did not make sense. He explained the importance of vision, and unity and the dangers of conformity.
He did not judge me, or lecture me or defend the church even once. He wasn't concerned about the church, he was concerned about me. He didn't worry about how the church would look at the end of the conversation, he listened to my perspective and went straight to the heart of the matter. He made the most sense of anyone I've heard talk about the church in the past year.

After our conversation, I thought back over my perception of my "naughty" big brother as I was growing up. I began to wonder if his frustration with church wasn't due to his "sinful ways" but rather just him being ahead of his time, and recognizing things that weren't right to begin with. He was just living out the truth as he saw it, and he wasn't listening to the words because he was focused on how people were living their lives. He was never going to make it in the church-world but he sure acts a lot like Jesus.

Isn't it just like God to use a "naughty" boy who hated going to church to bring peace to the heart of a religious little girl who thought she had it all together?

2006-12-05T11:41:00.000-06:00

Simulacrum of Mommy...

The other day I told my girls that if they gave me 20 minutes to get the kitchen in order, I would bake cookies with them. It was a deal, they would work on a craft while I cleaned.

As I cleaned, they kept running into the kitchen saying, "Don't look mommy! Its not done yet!"
They set up a barricade so I wouldn't come see what they were doing until it was done.
Isabella put her Dora doll on the stove and said, "keep your eyes on Dora and don't look!"

After half an hour, the girls had me sit down and close my eyes while they presented me with my gift. It is a simulacrum (yes, its a real word!) of mommy! You can't tell from the picture but she is about 4 feet tall, and I think she is absolutely lovely. They did it all by themselves, and I don't think I've ever looked so beautiful! Oh yes! That is my magic wand that I'm holding!

2006-12-04T08:41:00.000-06:00

V as in Victor...

A conversation I had in the van with the girls. I found it amusing.

Rebecca: Bella, let's do patterns. Like this, baseball - soccer -baseball - soccer -baseball.
Isabella: Soccer - football - soccer - football - soccer - football - soccer...
R: Good! Now I have one. Baseball - Balleyball - Baseball - Balleyball - Baseball...
Mommy: Actually Rebecca, its not Balleyball, its Vvvvvolleyball! With a V-sound! Volleyball!
Isabella: OH! I get it! VOLLEYVALL!

2006-12-02T08:16:00.000-06:00

The Nativity...

Last night my husband and I went to see the Nativity. It probably won't
get good reviews from movie critics, these kinds of movies rarely do.
However, I LOVED it.
I thought it brought a lot of humaness to Mary and Joseph. It made me think about things I hadn't really considered before. The context of Roman rule made me understand what a messiah really meant to the Israelites. I'd never considered the wise men in that light before - it really was crazy (and expensive) to travel from Persia to Judea to see a star??? Lots of interesting things I'd never considered before, thank you Hollywood.

We will take our girls to see it this week. There is only scene (right at the beginning) that might not be okay for kids - Herod's soldiers killing the babies- so we'll explain it before hand and maybe cover Bella's eyes. But other than that one part, children can watch the movie.

Quote of the Day:

"There should be another word for orange because it sounds like the other orange. Orange the color and orange the fruit sound too much like the same word. If someone says they like orange, do they mean they like orange the color or they like oranges? You wouldn't know. That doesn't make any sense!"
-Rebecca Anne (age 5)

2006-12-01T13:21:00.000-06:00

Juicy Gossip...

There are a lot of naughty things I've thought about people in my short and spicy lifetime. However, not many of the really naughty things got said out loud. The times when a stranger was rude to me in a store and I thought, "What a *#*@*!" but I said nothing out loud. Or worse, the times when it wasn't a stranger...

I'm not sure if my silence is a function of Canadian culture or being raised in the church or a bit of both. The idea that its okay to talk about positive feelings, thoughts or impressions has always been a freedom I've enjoyed, and I am grateful for that.

However, the negative impressions of people or situations seem to be taboo. We mustn't tell others what so-and-so said to us, lest we ourselves become guilty of gossip. What is one to do with the nasty things people do and say? How do you process what some jerk said to you, if you are scared of being a jerk by repeating it?
Well, if you're a nice person you forgive and bite your tongue. But don't tell anyone because then you are a gossip. Learn to process it graciously, and better yet, silently.

Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for "If don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'm not condoning Bitchfest 2006 - say everything negative that comes to mind! For every 5 complaints you make you get a free chip for your shoulder! That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying there should be a safe place to sort out the impact of what other people say and do to us when we can't process it alone. I think the fear of conflict and negative emotions has crippled a lot of nice people that I know. I think when someone (well meaning or not) has said something that has undone a person, that person has the right to speak about it to their friends, without fear of being a gossip.

I think gossip is actually intended for the gossiper to gain attention. Its using information about people or situations to get others to listen. Gossip is not talking about things that have happened to you or how perceive a situation, that's just processing through what you think and feel.

Many people already know this differentiation, and that is good. But for those of us who are figuring it out, and breaking free of the fear of being a gossip...talk it up!

2006-11-30T08:27:00.000-06:00

New Clothes...

My lovely friend Leanna who lives near Seattle saw these outfits in a shop. In a fit of generosity, she bought them for my girls and shipped them to Winnipeg. The girls look like they are ready for a night dancing at the clubs! Cute now but in 15 years --not so cute!

Quote of the Day

"Do you know what's great about when you fart in bed at night and you're all alone? You don't have to say 'excuse me' because no one else is there."
-Rebecca Seales Aged 5

2006-11-28T11:32:00.000-06:00

Isabella's First Crack at Photography...

2006-11-26T17:24:00.000-06:00

I Want My Baby Back...

Rebecca was my first born, and has always looked like a little doll. She has always been an independent girl who wanted to "be big" as soon as she could. I know all mothers say that their children are growing up too fast but this is ridiculous.

Rebecca LOVES teenagers and endeavors to act like them whenever possible. Since before she was even born, I've always had jobs working with youth so she has grown up hanging around teenagers.
Some examples of her teeny-bopper antics?

"Mom!!! I can't get dressed, all my GOOD jeans are in the wash!" ( at 3 yrs old)
"Hi teenagers! (to a group of 8 high school students) Do you like my hat? Pretty cool huh?" Do you think I'm cool? I think you're cool!" (at 5 years old)
Said to a 16 year old high school student "I have two boyfriends you know!" (at 4 yrs old)
Angrily slamming her door, "When Daddy gettin' home!" (mad at me when 2 yrs old)

This weekend the littlest teenager struck again. I thought I would let my sweet little 5 year old have a playdate with a little buddy from kindergarten. The other little girl had called and asked if Rebecca could play so I agreed. I picked up the other girl to take them to play structure.

What do I hear from the back seat of the van from my sweet little girl?

"We're going to go play now because its the weekend, and we have NO school. High five for no school!" The girls then high five each other.

I'm thinking, what happened to my little girl who was so excited to ride the bus to kindergarten, now she is high fiving no school?!?! As I'm grappling with this information Rebecca yells from the back seat, "Hey Mom! Turn on the radio, we wanna listen to some rock n' roll music!"

Who is this freakin' kid? Skipping school and rock n' roll music should be on the "cool" radar when you are in kindergarten. But that's not all, in the course of my conversations with her and this other kid (who is six by the way....clearly a bad sign) I find out how the other kid came to call our house.
The girls decided at kindergarten that they should hang out on the weekend, so Rebecca gave the other girl her phone number all by herself and the kid called without the other mother knowing anything about it! The first phone call was not initiated by either parent.
She is setting up her own playdates!
Where will this madness end?

I want my baby back!

2006-11-24T11:07:00.000-06:00

Lady Bug...Fly Away Home...

The other day Rebecca found a lady bug crawling along the sidewalk (since there was NO snow yet!). She took it home with her and made it a little home.
The home was full of leaves and twigs. Despite her efforts at hospitality, the lady bug flew away home to that great lady bug cloud in the sky. That is to say, it kicked the proverbial bucket.

So we left the spotted corpse in our front garden. This morning we arose to find it had snowed last night covering our garden with a fresh white blanket. Rebecca was frantic. Her poor little lady bug was covered in snow and she would be cold.

I explained that all that remained of her lady bug was a body so the bug would not be cold. The part of the lady bug that had life and feeling had moved on!
"Is it in heaven?" she asked.
Now I don't know if there is a lady bug heaven but death makes me uncomfortable and in the interest of ending this conversation I said, "Yes. Your lady bug is in lady bug heaven."

This did not end the conversation or my dicomfort with the topic of death.

Rebecca asked if she would someday die and see her ladybug again.
I said, "sure".
Isabella then pointed out that there was only one way to get to heaven, and that is...
TO GET HIT BY A CAR.

Whaaaaaa????
Suddenly all the times I had said, "don't run onto the street, you could get killed by a car" came rushing into my mind. Ohhh! Hit by car = Die = Heaven.
Logical.

Without thinking I corrected her, "No there are lots of other ways to die".
OH MY GOODNESS! WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Both girls looked at me, "like how?"

I was like a ship rat on a sinking ship, my mind scurried around in a panic looking for the quickest way out of the conversation. I don't want to make my kids fear death or list off hundreds of ways you could possibly die...Mayday! Mayday! Get me off this topic!

"Well..." I paused as I tried to think of what a responsible adult might say, "Death is something that happens to everyone at some point. It is a part of life. " (Good recovery, sounds very official and they are still listening...keep talking...)
"You can die from being old when your body starts to wear down."

Isabella interrupted me here, "No mommy that's not true. Gigi is old and she doesn't die!"
Rebecca added, "Yeah!"
And they both left the table and went to play with their dolls.

Phew! They think I'm full of shit. Thank goodness. I don't want to be the one who explains life and death to them - what do I know about that stuff?

Now I have to go pray and ask God not to let Gigi die for at least another 20 years. By then I think they could handle it. And so could I.

2006-11-22T23:52:00.000-06:00

Lost and Found...

A few weeks ago I attended a conference with 500 other people who all work in the area of community development. It was a ballroom filled with people who want to make things better-- for children, for the poor, for the disenfranchised, for chronically ill, basically for anyone who had needs that were not being met. They were good people with good intentions.

Much of the time, there was discussion about the barriers people were facing as they attempted to change the world one piece at a time. The desire to make a difference is not always met with the passion we hope for and conversations often turned to negative as we discussed the state of health, children and families in Canada, and more specifically in Manitoba.

The night after the conference I dreamed a dream about things that have never happened to me. It was like a stobe light of images flashing through my mind while my emotions remained steady in a haze of peaceful calm. It was like a slideshow of photographs of myself and my daughters with powerful images that could haunt a person but it wasn't frightening.

The dream changed and the this surreal dreamy powerpoint played again in my mind but this time, there was a voice accompanying each photograph. The voice said things like:

You have never had to sell your children because you could not afford to feed them
You have never lived in fear that your neighbors would turn you into the police
You have never watched your child die because there was not enough food
Your circumstances have never made you powerless to protect your children from abuse
Your daughters are receiving the same education as all the boys in their school
Your daughters are loved and valued regardless of their gender
You have never known the pain of war
You've never had to physically struggle just to survive from day to day
You've never known the terror of a bombing, or of soldier's with guns in the street
You've never had to bribe the police so you could keep your car, your house or your child
You've never watched your child die from an infection
You've never questioned if your children would return home from school day to day

This went on for awhile, and with each picture and each statement there grew a sense of calm and peace.
It wasn't joy.
As I began to understand where I had been ungrateful that there are others in the world who are not as fortunate as I am, this brought with it its own sadness.
It was more like an intense sense of gratitude that felt almost like intimate favor with someone you love.

I woke up with this strange feeling and began to think over the conversations at the conference again with an entirely new perspective. I remembered all the complaints and frustrations that were expressed, and I thought they are right. Canada is not perfect. Manitoba is not perfect.
But what an incredible place to live! The social programs we do have were assumed to be basic, but compared to what was (not that long ago) and what is...we are not so bad off.

Canada offers so much freedom, protection, wealth and assurance of life that we take for granted everyday. We tend to forget that as we forge ahead into the steps of building community and making things even better, that we are sooooo blessed to live in Canada.

One of the most beautiful things about Canada is her obsession with justice. She always strives to right injustices and meet the needs of the poor, and needy. Part of that passion requires looking at injustice because how can you deal with issues unless you look at them?

But it is not healthy to focus always on what needs to be done, and how far we have to go. There is something to be said for looking at how far we come and celebrating the good that has been established in Canada. If you blessed to be born in this nation, you have cause to celebrate.

So the next time the news tells me the country has gone to dogs, I won't believe them. I know what freedoms I enjoy, and the blessing that I live under because I am Canadian.

What is Lost and Found?

Lost- a sense of despair over the state of Canada's health, education and justice system
Found - a sense of gratitude for a nation that has enough integrity look at the injustices that exist in "the system" and desires to do something about it.

2006-11-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

New Photographer...

At our lake, our neighbor has a daughter who is a budding photographer. In the summer time she took some pictures of our girls, and she just sent them to us. I think she did a good job and we are considering hiring her to take our family Christmas portrait this year.
Have a look at her samples and give your opinion- should we hire her?